"Your daughter has died; why trouble the teacher any longer?"

I will never give up!

Mark 521-43
When Jesus had crossed again in the boat to the other side, a large crowd gathered around him,  and he stayed close to the sea.  One of the synagogue officials, named Jairus, came forward.  Seeing him he fell at his feet and pleaded earnestly with him, saying, "My daughter is at the point of death.  Please, come lay your hands on her that she may get well and live."  He went off with him and a large crowd followed him.   There was a woman afflicted with hemorrhages for twelve years.  She had suffered greatly at the hands of many doctors and had spent all that she had.  Yet she was not helped but only grew worse.  She had heard about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak.  She said, "If I but touch his clothes, I shall be cured."  Immediately her flow of blood dried up.  She felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction.  Jesus, aware at once that power had gone out from him, turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who has touched my clothes?"  But his disciples said to him, "You see how the crowd is pressing upon you, and yet you ask, Who touched me?"  And he looked around to see who had done it.  The woman, realizing what had happened to her, approached in fear and trembling.  She fell down before Jesus and told him the whole truth.  He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has saved you.  Go in peace and be cured of your affliction."

While he was still speaking, people from the synagogue official's house arrived and said, "Your daughter has died; why trouble the teacher any longer?"  Disregarding the message that was reported, Jesus said to the synagogue official, "Do not be afraid; just have faith."  He did not allow anyone to accompany him inside except Peter, James, and John, the brother of James.  When they arrived at the house of the synagogue official, he caught sight of a commotion, people weeping and wailing loudly.  So he went in and said to them, "Why this commotion and weeping?  The child is not dead but asleep."  And they ridiculed him.  Then he put them all out.  He took along the child's father and mother and those who were with him and entered the room where the child was.  He took the child by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum," which means, "Little girl, I say to you, arise!"  The girl, a child of twelve, arose immediately and walked around.  At that they were utterly astounded.  He gave strict orders that no one should know this and said that she should be given something to eat.

"Your daughter has died; why trouble the teacher any longer?"

Lord,
I have often, in the past and still every now and then given up on the resolution or healing of a situation and yet you have given me the grace to pick up and continue to keep going, to not give up, to try again.

J (daughter) is lost now, Lord and it breaks my heart. It is all I want on this earth, for her to come back into your grace and be saved  And I will never give up, even if I die before it happens.  I did not give up when she was a teenager.  I couldn't.  I loved her too much and I love her even more today even thought I am far from her physically, emotionally and relationally.  In fact I know that the distance is what is saving me and allowing me to go on, to continue to live and to keep the faith.  I know that if her behavior was in my face and I was constantly being reminded, I would constantly be devastated.  Thank you Lord, for your wisdom and doing what is necessary for my own peace (that I have when I am not recalling her) and my ability to go on.

People tell me to just accept it, all the kids do it.  It is the way things are today.  Yes, that is true, but that doesn't mean it is right.  It's cultural and societal acceptance does not make it right and it does not give me any peace.

What I do have Lord, is hope, hope in your word and your promise to me.  I know that you are huge in compassion and you cannot resist a sincere mother's cry for help and I know that you desire her return more than I do, so I will continue to pray and wait.  I will not allow anyone or anything to steal my hope or my love for her.  And I know she knows and I know that deep down she depends on my hope and love to bring her back into righteousness.  She knows I will never give up on her and she is right.

Lord,
Just saying that makes me think of you not giving up on me even thought I constantly mess up.

Last night in that film Catholicism, there was an image of you on the cross that flashed before my eyes that brought me to the reality of your love for me. I saw how you took the pain of what I have done, you accepted my sins, my faults and all that is wrong with me on yourself.  You paid my admission into heaven and all you ask is that I keep coming back to you when I mess up and ask for your forgiveness.

Lord, I keep looking for human love and acceptance, approval and affirmation that never satiates me.  Lord, help me to let go of that and be satiated by you.  Lord, help me accept those things from you.  It can be so hard Lord.  I want to feel it, but most of the time I can't but I know that I do have all those things from you even when I'm not aware or I forget.

Lord, please remind me, especially when I start to seek them from the wrong people because I know how that turns out. That desire and obsessive compulsion has hurt me more deeply than any other in my life.  Lord, I did not know what I did not know and you showed me and you allowed me to feel the pain of my sin.  And it was sine even though I did not conscientiously realize it until it was too late, until I had done serious damage to myself and my relationship with him, who I put into your place.  You have brought me through this ordeal a stronger person, a wiser person, and more than anything else you have loved me through it and given me yourself in a way that I never could have imagined.

Lord, please continue to lead me.  Lord, help me bring closure to this whole thing that has changed me so deeply.  Help me move on.