I was only pouring out my troubles to the LORD....my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery

1Samuel 1:9-20

Hannah rose after a meal at Shiloh, and presented herself before the LORD;  at the time, Eli the priest was sitting on a chair near the doorpost of the LORD's temple.  In her bitterness she prayed to the LORD, weeping copiously, and she made a vow, promising: "O LORD of hosts, if you look with pity on the misery of your handmaid, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the LORD for as long as he lives;  neither wine nor liquor shall he drink, and no razor shall ever touch his head."  As she remained long at prayer before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth, for Hannah was praying silently;  though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard.  Eli, thinking her drunk, said to her, "How long will you make a drunken show of yourself?  Sober up from your wine!"  "It isn't that, my lord," Hannah answered.  "I am an unhappy woman.
I have had neither wine nor liquor;  I was only pouring out my troubles to the LORD.  Do not think your handmaid a ne'er-do-well;  my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery."  Eli said, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."  She replied, "Think kindly of your maidservant," and left.  She went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and no longer appeared downcast.  Early the next morning they worshiped before the LORD, and then returned to their home in Ramah.

When Elkanah had relations with his wife Hannah, the LORD remembered her.

 I was only pouring out my troubles to the LORD....my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery

Lord,

How is it that children, if we have them or not, can cause us such deep pain?

There is nothing on this earth that has hurt me so deeply as my child who has turned her back on you and your Church.    But she is not mine, she is yours.  You gave her to me and I gave her back to you that day in April 2010.  Lord, I know you are taking care of her.  And I know your mother, my mother is protecting her and yet, my heart still aches.

Do I not trust you to take care of her?

No, you are impatient.  Your doubts are only passing.  Yes they pass often, but they are shallow and easily plucked out when I remind you of my faithfulness.

Your pain stems from your own impatience.

Yes Lord, that makes sense because as soon as I am reminded of your promise to me, that she will return, she will be saved, the peace returns.  So the impatience is what brings the doubt.  

It is crazy how these little 'sins' like impatience can lead to deeper and more serious sin, like loss of faith, much like pride leads to so many other roads that lead to hell.

Thank you Lord for that revelation.  Now please continue to help me see it for what it is before it takes me into the depths of sadness the way it does.