"Follow me and let the dead bury their dead"

Quit looking for trouble, it will find you

Matthew 8:18-22

"Follow me and let the dead bury their dead"

Lord,

This has confused me until I heard someone say that the dead in Christ are the dead and you are asking that disciple to follow him and don’t be concerned for the dead. But that still doesn’t make sense. Are we not supposed to lead the dead to you?

Not at the cost of not following me yourself. Following me comes first. The rest will take care of itself.
That makes perfect sense, Lord. You have to be the focus of everything I do. I get caught up in the peripherals and lose my focus, my purpose, my reason for everything.

Lord, that has kept me in an endless loop of straying ‘out there’, looking around ‘out there’, looking for problems to fix ‘out there’ instead of focusing on you, on the path that I am one and allowing whatever you want me to work on to come to me. I have been impatient and gone looking for trouble and in doing so I always find it. Lord, what is my problem?

You are overzealous in your attempt to be perfect an to ‘knock’ it all out. You fail to remember why you are doing it all and you miss the point. You don’t have to go looking for trouble, defects, and shortcomings. They will come looking for you when it’s time for you to face them. When you have the grace and the tools to deal with them. Do not worry that you will run out of problems or what you call personal defects to work on. You won’t but you are taking on too many unnecessarily and you are overloading yourself in a way that brings you stress and a sense o failure. That is not what I want for you. I want peace, love and joy for you and you cannot get that when you are constantly seeking turmoil. You are so driven that you are rejecting my gifts of peach love and joy. You do not take time for it. And that is rejecting my gifts, which doesn’t make me happy. So your quest to fix it all now is actually counterproductive. In your effort to please me, to finish ahead of time you are not doing what is pleasing to me. You are not fulfilling my will for you at that time.

He took the child by the hand and said to her, “Little girl, I say to you, arise!”

Letting go is scary

Mark 5:21-24, 35-43

He took the child by the hand and said to her, “Little girl, I say to you, arise!”

What?

Look at the miracle itself.

Lord, you are taking me by the hand and asking me or telling me to rise. You are saving me from the death that has consumed me for so long. You are holding out your hand to me and I am refusing to take it. Why Lord, why am I refusing?

Trust, you don’t trust. You are still afraid to let go of what is holding you down. You know it has a hold on you, but you are afraid of the unknown. You have to let go of the ‘known” to receive the unknown. The unknown is life, a life you have never allowed yourself to have, a life I want to give you. My heart aches for you, the pain that you hold on to. When will you allow me to hold you, guide you, love you and take care of you?

Lord, I want it now but the fear is still stronger. Help me let it go. I am holding on so tight that my knuckles are white. Lord you have permission to pry it out of my hands if that is what it takes.

the Lord had shown his great mercy

Luke 1:57-66, 80

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the Lord had shown his great mercy

Lord, I want to trust, help me trust

Lord,
You have shown your mercy toward me over and over. You have sent people into my path to affirm your love and mercy. What do I do to accept it fully and love myself?


You are doing it slowly. Be patient. You want all these things as soon as you become aware of them. That is no different than praying for some material thing and not wanting to wait for it. I will give you what is good for you always. i am God, I know the timing. I know when something is good for you and I know when you are ready and when you are not. It is not a fault not to have it all. I do not expect perfection and neither does anyone else.


Fr L was right, this life is a journey. Please get that you give yourself the grief that you give yourself with you r impatience. I can do all things. But you have to do your part or there is no lesson and the value is diminished.


Lord, give me the grace.


You already have it. Just be patient and it will be yours. Rest in that promise the way you rest in my promise they way you rest in my promise with J. You have no control there and you have no control here. It is all in my hands. Trust my hands.


You hesitate when Fr L asked you if you trusted him. You have that same trust for me. You hesitate and have to think about it. One day you won't. It will become natural and immediate.


Fr L is the one I want you to work with to regain trust in my priests to overcome your fear.


Lord, that puts something like fear, but not exactly, it's something less intense than fear, into my heart. What if I am not hearing you right and I only get farther from the goal?


Trust is the key to all of this. You also must trust his words. Doubt is from the evil one. You know what you know. Stop second guessing it. If you are wrong, I will let you know. The evil one drives you crazy with doubt and fear. Don't let him. THAT is all in your hands, control that!

Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all

My servant

Matthew 6:24-34

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Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all....all these things will be given you besides


Lord,
You know everything. I know you know everything. Help me Lord,to remember this and trust that you will know my needs and provide for them.

Lord, my head tells me that all is for my good. Show me/tell me how these demons are for my good.

They will help you help others. That is what you are here for, to help others.

Was there on some other way, Lord?

Yes but this is the way I chose. It will make you more knowledgeable, more compassionate, more loving and understanding to those who need your help. I already told you this is a lesson and education that doesn't come from a book or a class. I want you to know what you are dealing with. The devil is very illusive. He is sneaky and can make you believe all kinds of lies. He can make you doubt yourself and me. He wants you to focus on all the little things because it keeps your eyes off me and it keeps you from noticing him. He is more free to prowl around without your awareness. The more hidden he is, the more damage he can do. That is why you must reject the lies. Be strong, don't forget. You will have the grace but you must resist the lies and when that whirlwind of negativity comes, you must resist and rebuke. That is the instant that makes the difference between life and death in the pit.

Lord, help me remember this when the darkness strikes.

And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be

I'm tired of being alone in this pit

Matthew 6:7-15

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Jesus said to his disciples: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

"The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be."


And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be

Lord,
There was complete darkness for so long. You brought it out and the light filled in the spaces it left.
Lord, they are trying to push your light out. I now know it's them. I was thinking taht they were undercover, deep below the surface but now that I have started to think they are gone, they are back the way they've always been. They are in there like worms crawling around, slithering around deep inthe crevices looking for a place to attack. And they find it but they slowly do their damage so they can sneak up on me. And before I know it, they are there with their friends, shouting in my head, telling me lies and making me doubt.

Lord, you've shined your light on them and they are in shock. Your blaring light shocks them. Lord, chase them away. I want to be inside my head with only you and only me.

I know you placed mania in my path to guide me.

Lord, help me hear your voice. Lord, drown out their voices with yous. Remind me when I forget aht I have the power through you.

My God, fill me wiht your love. Help me know and feel and be confident with no doubts in you and your love.

lead us not into temptation

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Lord, let me know when

Thursday June 21
 Matthew 6:7-15

 
 lead us not into temptation

Lord,

I'm sitting here wondering what's up with these demons. They have calmed down. It's like they aren't even here anymore.

They want you to think they are gone and forget about them. They are hiding. The deliverance prayers are what agitate them. They are hiding. Do not let them fool you.

Lord, what do I do?

Just wait and be patient. Their time will come.

I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm tired of it.

I know you are and they're counting on it.

Lord, I feel like you are moving to Fr L for confession. He is kind of tough. I'm not sure I trust him yet. I'll have to see how he is with mercy and compassion. I need someone who will make me accountable but who will also show mercy, love and forgiveness, not his but yours.

Fr M has been gentle but maybe I'm ready to move to someone who will also help me address the areas I need to improve on. I think he can and will but I have to be ready. I still have some fear. So I'll wait and not be rash.

Lord, let me know when it's time to change.

love your enemies

Help me let go

Matthew 5:43-48

click here for gospel reading

love your enemies

Lord,

How do I love my enemy? Who are my enemies? C? I don't feel like I consider her an enemy but I am afraid to be around her.

Lord, show me who my enemies are. There are those I don't like or am uncomfortable around. As I think of it, its out of not feeling good enough or fear that they look down on me. Lord, how do I over come this. He, Fr L says it's pride and I believe it. I understand it but how do I get rid of it?

Keep praying and rejecting it. I will take care of you. i am here . I am always here. Trust me and believe me and accept me, accept my love. Trust me. Give me control. You know you don't have control and that makes you try harder. He's right let go. Letting go is the only way to find peace. I will help you.

Lord, I am tired

Just let me rest awhile

Lord, I am tired.  I am tired of the work involved in getting better.  At this point I wonder if I will ever really get better.  OK, I am better but I want to heal in a way that does not make me feel crazy or worthless or all the other things I carry around.  Now this dealing with the demons is the cherry on top, more like sour grape.

You have allowed these things to surface, but why?

Is's part of your healing.  A necessary part of your healing.  The pain and consequences of the evil that was around and done to you didn't happen in a few short years.  You have been dealing with abuse from your conception through that of FA, two years ago.  That is almost 50 years.  That is a lifetime, at least yours up to now.  Two years is a drop.  But you are going  through it in fast forward.  It is a journey that will take the rest of your life.  Slow down and enjoy the journey.  Don't fret that you are not as far along as you want to be.  You are as far along as I want you to be.  You have to stop and rest on any journey, especially a long one.


You can take another route but you cannot change what you come across on the route you choose.  And when you get lost, you can always find your way back.  I am your GPS.  Just turn to me.


Your anxiety at reaching your destination takes your attention away from the beautiful sights along the way.  The demons are just rocks in your path along the way.  You will soon pass them and find a smooth path for a time.  Don't stop now.  You have come a long way.  Rest but don't stop and don't let anyone convince you to stop.  That is the devil working through whomever or whatever he can to stop you and hold you captive.  Keep going.  You are getting there.  You just don't see it because all you are looking at is the road.

He explained everything in private

Speak to me Lord so I know it's you

Mk 4:26-34

Jesus said to the crowds: "This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day and through it all the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how. Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. And when the grain is ripe, he wields the sickle at once, for the harvest has come."

He said, "To what shall we compare the kingdom of God, or what parable can we use for it? It is like a mustard seed that, when it is sown in the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on the earth. But once it is sown, it springs up and becomes the largest of plants and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the sky can dwell in its shade." With many such parables he spoke the word to them as they were able to understand it. Without parables he did not speak to them, but to his own disciples he explained everything in private.

He explained everything in private

Lord,

You talk to me in private, yet I still doubt. I don't want to doubt. Lord, I want to know what is you and what is not.

Use your feelings. The evil one stings, you know that. Separate that, then remember I only speak in love. If there is no sting and it is not loving it is you. Trust what you know.

What if I am telling myself what I want to hear?

You don't. You speak negatively to yourself. At least now you do.

Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety

No where to turn but to God 

Lk 2:41-51

Each year Jesus' parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed its days, as they were returning,
the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple,
sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart.

Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety

Lord,

I can only imagine the anxiety of Mary and Joseph. To lose their son. The Son of God! Lord it happens every day in our society but the people today 'lose' you by choice. They abandon you, live lives filled with sin and do not see anything wrong with it. Yes we the faithful ones also live in sin but we know we are and we regret it, repent, ask forgiveness and in your unconditional love and mercy, forgive us.

What would it take to bring those who've left back to you and your Church?

It often takes tragedy, hitting the bottom, having no one else to turn to or an awakening which often comes from the faithful, their example and their love.

Lord, I love you more than anything and I want that for others,k especially those I love.

All you can do is live the faith, pray for them, love them and use teachable moments to share the truth. That is sufficient.

Jesus, help me be the example you want me to be.

Stay on the path you are on and wait on me. Patience will save you much heart ache.

Blood and water flowed out

You have been washed in my blood

Jn 19:31-37Since it was preparation day, in order that the bodies might not remain on the cross on the sabbath, for the sabbath day of that week was a solemn one, the Jews asked Pilate that their legs be broken and they be taken down. So the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first and then of the other one who was crucified with Jesus. But when they came to Jesus and saw that he was already dead, they did not break his legs, but one soldier thrust his lance into his side, and immediately blood and water flowed out. An eyewitness has testified, and his testimony is true; he knows that he is speaking the truth, so that you also may come to believe. For this happened so that the Scripture passage might be fulfilled: Not a bone of it will be broken. And again another passage says: They will look upon him whom they have pierced.


Blood and water flowed out

Lord

Lead me. What are you saying to me? Blood and water flowed?

You have been washed in my blood. Your love for me is pure. Let me love you. Accept my blood, accept my love. Open your heart to receive me and allow me to heal you. Trust me more fully. Your head knows I have a plan, that I will not hurt you. I will not allow you to suffer anything you cannot handle. All the suffering makes you stronger and brings you closer to my heart and to your mission.

Lord, I do not understand why you allowed these demons to surface if you were not going to release them.

They are making you stronger. They are making you trust me more. There is nothing they can do to you that will not bring you closer to me. The more you suffer, the more you know your need for me and the more you will reach out to me. The more you reach out to me the more you trust me. The ore you trust me, the more you allow me to love you and the more you love me.

I want you to concentrate on accepting my love. Meditate on it. Let it penetrate your mind and then your heart. You want Joy in your life but you keep it at an arms length. You fear the price you will have to pay for that joy. I have already paid that price. It is free to you. There are no strings attached. You are judging me by human standard.
You have to open up and accept the reality of the unseen world and the impossible or what you believe to be impossible. You say I can do anything but you do not expect it. You have to think out of the box. Do not put limits on me. There is nothing I cannot do and nothing I would not do for my children, for you. Everything I do in your life is for your sanctification. Everything I allow in your life is also for your sanctification. You must believe that especially when you are under attack.


Lord, help me remember when I need it the most.

Your brother has anything against you

Please forgive me

Mt 5:20-26

Jesus said to his disciples: "I tell you, unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter into the Kingdom of heaven.

"You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, 'Raqa,' will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, "You fool," will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny."

Your brother has anything against you

Lord,

What?

Make yourself humble, accept responsibility for your part, be it now or 20 - 30 years ago. I am asking you to humble yourself. Lay it out there. I am not asking you to accept abuse. I have done that . Make yourself vulnerable. Satan hates humility. The demon indie of her will recoil with your self sacrifice and humility. I do not want you to hurt. I will protect you. I will be with you and I will be with her. There is a depth of personal sanctity that can only be reached through humility. Lay it all down, bear your soul for her, your love of her and your desire for her deliverance. I will protect you. I would not ask this of you if I did not know you can do it and that is will be healing for you and for her. She is lost in self-hatred that she masks as justifiable anger for her victimization by you. She has daggers in her eyes that she cannot see through. Only your love and humility can take them away. You have this power. I am giving it to you for your sanctification and hers. She cannot begin to heal on her own. She has too much anger and hatred bottled up inside her. You are not really the target. I am. Her hatred for me is projected on to you. She feels victimized by me and it is easier for her to justify her anger toward you. It is not your responsibility to heal her. It is mine, but you are a tool in my hand. She could be lost without your help. You want to lead people to me. You know they will not all follow. You know that there will be pain and rejection involved. But you also know there is grace sufficient to see you through it and to the other side. This relationship binds you and keeps you from peace. It doesn't matter who's right t and who's wrong. It is a matter of eternal salvation. You can make this small sacrifice for hers.

Jesus you are asking a lot. You know my fear.

This will not only help her, but it will help you.

I have come not to abolish but to fulfill

Mt 5:17-19

Nothing happens without God's permission

Jesus said to his disciples:  "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets.  I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.  Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or the smallest part of a letter will pass from the law, until all things have taken place.  Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the Kingdom of heaven.  But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the Kingdom of heaven."

 I have come not to abolish but to fulfill

Lord,

I believe that you have it all under control  You know what your plan is for all of us and for the world.  Lord, help me have the faith in the times of darkness that you are here, you are in charge and you are the Lord of all.

Lord, help me let go of any anxiety over any and all of this.  I know you are in charge over all the angels, good and bad.  I know they have no power that you do not give them.

Just lead me, Lord.  I am lost without you and your guidance.

Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father

Mt 5:13-16

Lord, don't leave me

Jesus said to his disciples: "You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lamp stand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."

Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father

Lord,
I see where I am failing to be that light. I am not making living in the light look easy or simple. My example is showing others how much time I give you. Maybe that turns them away because they do not believe they can do it. Maybe it seems to them that it is too much. May it is too much for other. I realize my radical lifestyle. D thinks that all that has happened over the last two years is normal. If that is true, why don't I know people who've had experiences like this in such a short time? If having demons is normal, why don't I know people who have the or who have had them? It does seem that I have been focused on the downside of all of this. I have been. I have been vain or prideful, wanting to be special or different but at the same time not wanting to be alone and to stand out. I am trying to figure this out But I don't want to scrutinize it anymore. there is an unseen world that I have 'dipped' into and I have to accept that it is real and that it doesn't matter if anyone else believes it or not. That need or desire to be believed has caused me to feel insane or fear insanity or to fear others peoples'judgement of being insane. Lord, these things (demons) work every angle.
Part of me thinks maybe I should write a book. But what value would it have other than entertainment. Unless there are others like me. It could be annoying but how would that enable me to minister to others if I am alone in all of this? There would be no others.
You are not alone. You are separated.
The more I think about this, the more it seems like a science fiction book. It is true. I am hanging on to you like a child hands on to a parent in a crowd out of fear of becoming lost and left alone among strangers. Lord, that is a terrifying fear. Lord, calm that fear and help me trust you and help me slow down the rushing pushing crowd so I can breathe freely and find the peace in knowing you are in front of me, behind me and all around me.

Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Mt 5:1-12

Let go, I won't leave you

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. He began to teach them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Lord,

I have no clue if this is what you want from me, to suffer with this mental anguish. Father L says maybe it is. B says it is not. They have got me confused and I know that is not from you so which one is right?

They both are. I want to heal you, but not yet. You must be patient. There are lessons to learn here.

Lord, What lessons?

Trust me, my providence, my love, my ability to bring good out of it all. Every struggle, difficult time you go through gives you more knowledge experience, sympathy, empathy and understanding of how to help others. When you come through this, you will have an education, one that you cannot find in a book or class. I am with you. I need you to let go of the tight desperate hold you have on to me. The hold that is hanging on out of fear and anxiety. I want you to ease up and relax and let go and trust that I am with you. that I am not going anywhere. I need you to let go of the anxiety so you can feel my presence my calm, peace and you will have the assurance that I am with you if you falter. But you must falter to gain that trust you must know that you cannot do it alone to know that I am here and that you need me and that I will not leave you. I will not abandon you, but I do want you to let go of me so you can have freedom. Your hold on me is so tight and desperate. It is not a loving hold but one filled with fear. I do not want fear for you. I want peace and confidence. I want you to have confidence in yourself and in me and in my promise to you to be with you. Your grip is out of fear of losing me. You don't want to let go because you fear abandonment. They all abandoned you, but I never will.

Take it; this is my body

Take it; this is my body 

Mark 14:12-16, 22-26

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Take it; this is my body

Lord,

This is the single most important thing you left us when you left. I'm not sure how my love for you in the Eucharist began. maybe it was all the long hours I sat with you in adoration gazing at you, talking to you, listening to you. I have no doubt that you are there in that tiny piece of bread and wine.

I want to be able to share this love with others. I believe it is what you want as well. Lord help me share your truth. Lord, put people in my path that are open to that truth. Everyone needs to know abut your real presence. Everyone needs to have the opportunity to receive you into themselfves in this real way that gives life to their souls

I know that there is nothing more precious on the earth than your presence in the Eucharist. What do I do to share?

What you are already doing. Finish the show, so you can share it and open hearts to my truth.

Lord, I need your help to get it done. I need your help in every step of the process. Please motivate B and help him get the knowledge he needs to accomplish what we need. I cannot do it without you and without him.

Please guide my words and my actions, Lord

You know I will.

Stop the spinning

Mark 12:38-44

click here for reading

Lord,
I must trust in your providence.  I wan to let it allgo and trust you completely

A good place to start is with this (demons)  Trust me.  All this time I have put the right people in your life at the right time.  Fr A was like being on a treadmill that went in a circle and met itself.  You stayed on it and went around and around and when you were not walking on it, it was still taking you around and around.  You stepped off and you mind was still going although not as bad.   And when it stopped you were disoriented.  Now it is gone.  You settled and you are dealing with what was stirred up.  The demons have always been there hiding, lying to you.  Now you know and you don't have to listen.  You are finally learning to rebuke them and send them away.   You are learning to discern something you've been praying for for a long time.


Patience is also something you have been praying for and it will be given when the time is right.


Stay strong and renounce the lies.

Are you not misled because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God

Make them go away

Mark 12:18-27

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Are you not misled because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God

Lord,
I have a long way to go on knowing the scriptures.  Your power is what I so  often forget about.

Yesterday I was completely consumed by the swarm of evil spirits that attacked and attacked relentlessly.  I forgot about the power you have given me.  I forgot that with you I am made strong, with you I can defeat them and have the freedom I desire so much.

But it didn't last, not after I remembered the tool of rebuking them in your name.  Your name sent them to flight, your name scared them away and I felt a calmness that contrasted with what I was feeling before like a bright light in complete darkness.  I was then able to step back and see their lies.  I was able to thank more clearly and I was able to feel your presence.  I could feel your arms around me gently rocking me, consoling me, holding me tightly, making me feel secure.   It was like the calm after the storm, only there was no devastation left behind.  Lord you saved me, but I had to ask and allow you to save me.  Thank you Lord, for rescuing me.  Lord help me remember as soon as they strike the next time.  I know there will be a next time.  Help me learn the scriptures so I can fight them with the sword you've given me.

Oh my God, thank you. I love you.  Save me, Lord

you are not concerned with anyone's opinion

Mark 12:13-17

and I mean it!!

click for reading

you are not concerned with anyone's opinion

Lord,

I struggle with this to the point of making myself sick.  My brain is torn down the middle.  Are you trying to help me overcome this?

Yes

It hurts so much Lord, I don't know if I am crazy or have demons

That is what they want. You are playing into their hands. Be strong.

How can I be strong when I don't know whats real?

Your voice right now could be theirs or even my own skewed thoughts.

You are telling me you are real, reminding me of your silence when I doubted before.  You don't want to go silent now because it would push me over the edge.  Thank you Lord, I believe that is true.  Why are you letting them torment me like this?

To make you stronger.  They are fighting to maintain their territory.  If you don't kick them out, they have permission to stay.  If you don't believe they are real you won't kick them out.  So they are pulling out out all their guns.  this is their grand finale.  Their battle.  If they win this one, you are theirs.  If you win,k they leave.  What is Satan's best lie to humanity?  That he doesn't exist.  You are falling into that trap right now.

Lord, what if I am wrong and I am doing this for attention and they are not real?

If you were doing it for attention, you would know and you wouldn't be revealing it to others the way you are.

But maybe that is a subconscious thing that I am not aware of.

You are not a liar.  Lying like that is not in you.  Believing lies like that is you.

They were seeking to arrest him

Please bring peace of mind

Mark 12:1-12

click for reading

They were seeking to arrest him, but they feared the crowd, for they realized that he had addressed the parable to them. So they left him and went away.

Lord,

I see this is the devil working through them.  He fears being discovered and thrown out himself so he goes away for the time being.

Lord, I know that at any point you could have thrown them out, but you chose not to.  You had your reason then and you have your reason now.

Lord, I want to be rid of them but there is something inside me that says I don't.  There is something inside me that says, "who will I be without them?  I will not have them to blame for bad behavior.  But there is something else that says, "what bad behavior?"  Yes  I have removed mortal sin.  I work hard on being free of all sin.  In fact to the contrary.  I believe the scrupulosity was from them.  It kept me in constant turmoil.  There is something holding on.  I feel it.  It is telling me I am special because of them.  They bring me attention.

I know all of this is skewed thinking.  I know its not true, just like so many other lies, yet it keeps me from completely letting go.  It keeps me trying to control myself in a way that seems to maintain them.  Part of me, a large part of my brain tells me that my self control is like a corral that keeps them all trapped and contained.  Yes they are held in an area that keeps them all together where I can keep my eye on them but they are still  there and they need to be dispersed.  They are contained in a small area slamming into each other, creating havoc, making a mess within the corral, tearing it up, beating each other up, smashing into the fence that holds them in, smashing it beating it putting pressure on it, watching it buckle and crack, stretching it hear and there pressing it just to the point of breaking it, yet not breaking it.

Lord, that is my back.  The pain is like pressured knots and spasms causing me to contort myself trying to relieve the pain.  Lord, please release them, release me. Help me release them.

he has looked with favor on his lowly servant...the Almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his Name

Luke 1:39-56

click for readings

He has looked with favor on his lowly servant...the Almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his Name

Lord,

You have done great things for me, a nobody. I will quit asking you why. I know why. There is nothing more for me to do except accept your gifts and follow your will. I know this is you and it is where you are leading me and where you want to use me. I do not need to ask why any more. Lord, forgive me for asking why so often. I know it has taken up so much energy and so much time. I believe it is the evil ones who have been trying to distract me. They have been taking me by the shoulders and turning me away from you every chance they get, when they have seen me going toward you, following the path you have for me, they distract me with all the trash , things taht do't matter. They have filled me with their lies.

Just being aware has given them has given you so much power, power agains them and power to walk in my ways. You know their voices. You know their lies. You know the feelings and residue they leave you with and leave behind. Now is the time to quit looking back at them and listening to them and even answering them for nay reason. You know how ignoring feels. You know the power of being the object of being ignored. that is what you are to do to them, yes they will not like it and will become angry at your response or lack of response and yes, they will try harder but sooner or later, they will give up that game. They will move on so you must also be prepared for that and keep your eyes on me. Every time you are aware that it is them, you have to rebuke them and send them to me and move your eyes back to mine. You will not make them go away permanently but you can bind them and send them on their way and not allow them back, not give them any power when they come back. You can shut the door and not answer it when they come calling. It is up to you alone. You have the grace.

Mark 10:32-45

click here for reading

Lord,

I see that you have specific words for specific people, that you select people at your whim to do certain things and to share certain truths with.

Lord, these men, these apostles were not great until you made them great.  They were nobodies.  They all had real imperfections and their personalities where all different.  It does seem like the worst became the best, or at least the ones who are mentioned more, the ones who's actions stood out.  lord, help me rid my head of all the negative thoughts that come from the evil ones.  I struggle so much with them.  I so often listen to their lies and I believe them.  I entertain them.  I let them grow.

Lord, how do I stop it?

The negative comes from them.  Even if it comes from you, it came from them originally.  You know that even when I tell you something you don't want to hear, it does not sting.  You feel the love in which I use, I am, I have for you.  Love and peace come with my words, no matter what they are, words of consolation or correction.What have I been telling you?  Look for the peace.  If there is no peace it is not from me and it its not from me, don't accept it, reject it.

love one another

Unconditional Love

John 15:9-17

Jesus said to his disciples: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love.

"I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you: love one another."

 love one another

Lord,

I was shocked when FA told me I didn't love others.  I was shocked because I thought I did so much for others that I was very loving.  But of course, I mislead myself.  I made judgments, held grudges, remembered every way someone had sinned against me and I weighed it along with their words and actions to decide if I should trust or believe them.  I wanted to show I was right.  I wanted their understanding.  I was self centered.  I was self righteous.  I held on to the letter of the law without discerning the spirit of the law.  I always looked for a loophole or a back door for my escape.  I know there are plenty other ways I have not loved.

Lord, Every single one of those things take a lot of work to overcome and I have tried, but I often fail, very often.  That is a long list of 'wrongs' that I really struggle with.  It takes constant awareness to keep from going back to the way I was with no care for those actions and for committing them without batting an eye.

How do I love like you love or at lease the way you want me to love?  Lord, I ask for the grace to do this because I love you and I want to please you and I know that I cannot love you fully unless I love them fully.

I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain

This is My Body

John 15:9-17

Jesus said to his disciples: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love."

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy might be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you: love one another."

I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain

Lord,
I am here in my favorite place on earth, with you in this DIY Eucharist chapel. Lord, my heart starts to flutter as I was driving here tonight. It seems like its been so long since I've been here, but I know it hasn't. Being here with you melts my heart.

OMG, this is what I was thinking about just a bit ago. Tat doubt that I seem to be unable to shake off of me follows me like my shadow. Help me fight the evil voices that taunt me, that work so hard to keep me from you and your peace.

You have chosen me, Me, for something. You have chosen me for this gift of hearing you so clearly. Lord, help me hold on to the faith and belief that it is you. I know you have given different people different gifts and it is solely at your discretion. You have chosen me and you desire I accept, embrace and use it the way you've intended me to. Lord, what is that? What do you want from me?

To do great things.

Like what?

I want you to share me with others.
OK Lord, that seems pretty generic.

I have something more specific in mind. My body, I want you to bring it to people. Not Holy Communion but My Body, the good news about My Body, the truth about My Body to others, first to those who should know but don't, then to others. So many people do not know or believe that I am here in the flesh on earth waiting for them to come to me. They do not believe. I want you to help them believe.




Lord, how do I do that? Really?




You have the tools, I've given them to you. Speak the truth wherever you go. Do not worry what they will think of you.




I am the only one that it matters what they believe about me. That belief is the difference between life and death for them and for you. That is a very important role. As you obey and increase your influence and gain confidence in the truth and share that truth unashamedly, your territory will increase. I want everyone to come to me in the Eucharist. I want them all to know that I am with them, not only spiritually but bodily as well. I am God and you are the only one here with me tonight. I am God and no one is here! Bring them to me!




Lord just show me how and show me who and show me when.

I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you....If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you

John 15:18-21

Jesus said to his disciples: "If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you. Remember the word I spoke to you, 'No slave is greater than his master.'
If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. And they will do all these things to you on account of my name, because they do not know the one who sent me."

I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you....If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you

Lord,

I know you have chosen me for something that only I can do, you've been preparing me for something only I can do.  But I do not know what that is.

You won't know until it's time.

I want to be able to take the persecution with joy because I am doing it for you.  But I do not.  I feel like a victim.  I get my feelings hurt.  I get angry.  Lord, remind me in those times that it is not about me and my pride, but about you.  Those are the times when I am suffering with you.  Lord, I know it is better to be persecuted for you than to be admired for selfishness and vanity.  I know those things but I still enjoy the praise.   Lord, where is the line between vanity and experiencing the joy of being better than I once was?  I should rejoice in the changes you have made in me and share your goodness and yet I feel proud when I do and then I feel bad. I know I am supposed to share the gospel but also to share the goodness of your mercy and grace and all that you have done for me.  Why is it still so hard for me to believe all that's happened?

Your mind has not caught up with your spirit.  Just like you still see yourself as fat, you still see your soul and spirit the way it was.  You must accept and embrace who you are now, who you are in me and what you have become.  False humility is not the way to go.  Denying the truth is not the way to go.  Embrace and share what I have done for you.  Give glory where it belongs and you will not come across as proud and when you are being selfless in your sharing, that is true humility because it is not about you, but me, what I have done in your life.  I want all to come to me and your good news and sincere humility will bring them to me.

The Advocate, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name--he will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you."

You can step out of  the noose any time you choose

John 4:21-26

Jesus said to his disciples: "Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me.
Whoever loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and reveal myself to him." Judas, not the Iscariot, said to him, "Master, then what happened that you will reveal yourself to us and not to the world?"
Jesus answered and said to him, "Whoever loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; yet the word you hear is not mine but that of the Father who sent me.

"I have told you this while I am with you. The Advocate, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name--he will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you."

The Advocate, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name--he will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you."

Lord,
I still doubt and fear.  I am so sorry.  I want so much to trust and just let go but something holds me back.

The devil holds you back.  He knows how close you are and he knows your weaknesses, confidence in yourself, fear, perfectionism, doubt, ridiculed, being judged...  Those are barriers to letting go.  Your lack of trust is mostly in yourself.   Look at the fruit.  I know you fear that he may be the one who speaks to you, to fool you.  You are suspicious and so afraid of being wrong that you will not allow yourself the freedom to let go and trust, believe and to be wrong.  You fear the loss of self control so much that you keep a tight reign on yourself.  And when you wonder too far from the security of what you actually believe, you almost choke yourself and instead of cutting off what binds you, you run back to the safety and discomfort of what is familiar rather than taking a chance at being right.  You will not win the battle until you believe you can.  You have to have resolve in your heart .  You have to want the freedom more than the comfort of the binds that have left you with scars around your neck.  You are so tightly held around you neck, that you can hardly breath sometimes.

Lord, what is holding me back from completing the script on the Eucharist?  

Fear, doubt, the same things that hold you back from the success you seek in all areas.  You have been successful in your weight loss and now you live in constant fear and doubt that you can maintain it.  The next step to insure that is exercise and you resist. it. 

Why do I resist it?

You do not like it, you are lazy with things you do not enjoy.,  You procrastinate than you regret.

Procrastination and avoidance is your barrier with the things you need to do but do not want to do,.  You do those things I ask when they do not directly affect you personally.  You still hold on to what is easy and comfortable in those areas.  Believing the diet was easy made it easy.  Believing in success in these areas will do the same, try it.

ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples

You brought me through the storm, Lord

John 15:1-8

Jesus said to his disciples: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit. You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you. Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither;
people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified,
that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."

 ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified,
that you bear much fruit and become my disciples

Lord,

I was just thinking about J.  I have been asking for her return for years now.  I was thinking, Lord, where is she?  Then I heard you say, "It does not say when.  That is not part of the promise."  You have helped me through this.  I was so broken hearted and fearful when I saw her fall away from you and as I've seen her get farther and farther rather than closer.  I have often been deeply hurt and fearful and I find it so difficult to hold on to the hope in your promise to bring her back.  Lord, I am watching her get farther still and she even rejects you, your word and your church, all that she once held close to her heart.  In the times that I become more aware of her rejection, I feel a stabbing pain in my gut and I am not only disappointed in her but in you as well.  I want her back in your arms now.  Lord, but I know that I don't get to demand anything and get it.  Right now, today I believe that your timing is perfect.  I trust your promise to me and I will try so hard to hold on to the hope and go forward in confidence in you.  I do not have a clue how you do it, but I know you always come through.  You have brought me through such a horrendous storm, one that was so thick at times that I could not see my hand in front of my face.  As I sit here and look back, I regret all the time I spent in doubt and disbelief and in self pity.  I have been so self centered that sometimes it is hard to look outward while I was so self absorbed, I neglected everything around me.  I judged others as shallow and made it all about me.

It's okay, you are through it now.  You can handle all that comes at your now.  You have a strength you did not have two years ago.  Your footing is on solid ground.  You will not crumble in the future the way you did in the past.  You've already seen that fruit with C.  Two years ago it would have devastated you.  You would have been angry, self righteous, unforgiving and you would feel like and act like a victim.   Now you have acknowledged it, felt the pain and moved on while you keep praying for her conversion and desire to heal.  That never would have happened two years ago.

Whoever has seen me has seen the Father

Lord, never let me go

John 14:7-14



Jesus said to his disciples: "If you know me, then you will also know my Father. From now on you do know him and have seen him." Philip said to Jesus, "Master, show us the Father, and that will be enough for us." Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you for so long a time and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I speak to you I do not speak on my own. The Father who dwells in me is doing his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else, believe because of the works themselves. Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father. And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it."

Whoever has seen me has seen the Father

Lord,

When this all started two years ago I had such a difficult time seeing , trusting and approaching the Father. Now even though I do not understand, I feel more confident in Him and in my relationship with Him.  I see Him in you and He is quiet.  He is patient.  He waits for me to come to Him.   and He is not hurt by my distancing myself from Him.  He knows the neglect, the abuse and the fear that kept me from him.  He has watched as I have worked on conquering those things.  He has held me up and picked  me up at times.  Lord, I have more love and trust in Him than ever before, yet I still stand off.  I guess I have not really completely healed.  I get the fear of rejection still when I have dealings with a priest.  I know that the Father has never rejected me and yet that one  experience has left a mark so deep that two years later it still has some control over me.  Lord, I want so desperately to overcome that fear.  I guess I have narrowed down exactly what my fear is or at least what it is now.  Maybe it hasn't changed.  My fear is still that they will be mean and reject me.  Even though I am over the A thing, there is a residual effect still clinging on.

That will not always be there, it will fade in time.  It will fade as you trust and your experience shows that you can trust again.  Remember they are just human mean and they can be as insensitive as anyone else.  They generally are more sensitive and caring but they have all the same limitations as anyone else plus there are many pulling at them, like th crowds that gathered around Jesus, just wanting to be touched and healed by Him.  These men do not have that kind of power yet.

Lord, help me keep the right perspective and do not expect them to be you or even like you.  I know they cannot. Help me lover my standards and my expectations, Lord.

I will and you will.

His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Matthew 28:8-15

We're in the battle like it or not

Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went away quickly from the tomb, fearful yet overjoyed, and ran to announce the news to his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them on their way and greeted them. They approached, embraced his feet, and did him homage. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me."

While they were going, some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had happened.
The chief priests assembled with the elders and took counsel; then they gave a large sum of money to the soldiers, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep.'
And if this gets to the ears of the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." The soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day.


His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Lord,

I feel the devil all over this current situation that I have found myself in.  I see that I am in full blown spiritual warfare and I do not know why.  I have not felt this kind of attack since I joined the pro life.  Lord, the only fear I have is for the attack on J1 and J2. J1 is strong and faithful but she is constantly surrounded by evil and her hands are tied when it comes to overtly bringing you to others.

J2 was faithful back when these attacks came before.  Lord she lives in sin and has been brainwashed into rejecting you.  Lord, please protect them.

I did before and I will again.  I have a special plan for you and the evil one does not like it.  Fr P first clued you in and now you are aware and that has taken some of his (devil) power away.  That has made him angry and he is raging.  That rage came through C yesterday.  She is a vessel  he has used before.  Be aware it is him working through her.  Now even more of his plan has been uncovered and like her he is even more angry because you have kept up the battle.  J1 is right.  You are a target in your family because you are the only one willing to stand up and do battle with him.  This is why I've been strengthening you.  This battle has been brewing your entiere life.  If he can convince you that it's you and not them, he has won another battle and he has you out of his way.

I have worked to strengthen you for this battle and you must stand strong and do battle and remember what and who you are fighting for.  He will try to attack you on every front.  B is playing into his hands as well.  J is strong in her faith and she knows him as well and he does not like that you have an advocate in her.  Fr A is part of the plan as well.  That has given you another kind of strength.  You have to be careful about who you trust.  He (devil) will work through weak souls.

A is young and naive and inexperienced  She believes but does not understand the depth and power of the devil yet.  Be careful because he will use that against you as well.  You can see he already has.  He will try to use J, but will not be successful.  I am not trying to scare you or make you mistrust those around you, but I want you to be aware.  That demon thing was part of the plan

His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Matthew 28:8-15

Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went away quickly from the tomb, fearful yet overjoyed, and ran to announce the news to his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them on their way and greeted them. They approached, embraced his feet, and did him homage. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me."

While they were going, some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had happened.
The chief priests assembled with the elders and took counsel; then they gave a large sum of money to the soldiers, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep.'
And if this gets to the ears of the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." The soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day.


His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Lord,

I feel the devil all over this current situation that I have found myself in.  I see that I am in full blown spiritual warfare and I do not know why.  I have not felt this kind of attack since I joined the pro life.  Lord, the only fear I have is for the attack on J1 and J2. J1 is strong and faithful but she is constantly surrounded by evil and her hands are tied when it comes to overtly bringing you to others.

J2 was faithful back when these attacks came before.  Lord she lives in sin and has been brainwashed into rejecting you.  Lord, please protect them.

I did before and I will again.  I have a special plan for you and the evil one does not like it.  Fr P first clued you in and now you are aware and that has taken some of his (devil) power away.  That has made him angry and he is raging.  That rage came through C yesterday.  She is a vessel  he has used before.  Be aware it is him working through her.  Now even more of his plan has been uncovered and like her he is even more angry because you have kept up the battle.  J1 is right.  You are a target in your family because you are the only one willing to stand up and do battle with him.  This is why I've been strengthening you.  This battle has been brewing your entiere life.  If he can convince you that it's you and not them, he has won another battle and he has you out of his way.

I have worked to strengthen you for this battle and you must stand strong and do battle and remember what and who you are fighting for.  He will try to attack you on every front.  B is playing into his hands as well.  J is strong in her faith and she knows him as well and he does not like that you have an advocate in her.  Fr A is part of the plan as well.  That has given you another kind of strength.  You have to be careful about who you trust.  He (devil) will work through weak souls.

A is young and naive and inexperienced  She believes but does not understand the depth and power of the devil yet.  Be careful because he will use that against you as well.  You can see he already has.  He will try to use J, but will not be successful.  I am not trying to scare you or make you mistrust those around you, but I want you to be aware.  That demon thing was part of the plan

John 18:1-19:42

Lord,

How could you love me this much, to suffer so much and to do it willingly so that I can live with you in eternity?  How can you love me after all the things I have done to hurt you?  How can you love me after all the ways I have not loved others?  It is unfathomable to me.  It is so contrary to human reason and nature, yet you loved me.   You love me any way and in spite of it all.

Lord, I am so unworthy.  J just flashed through my head.  I love her so much, but it’s nothing in comparison to how much you love her.  She has openly and unashamedly rejected you and abandoned you and you still love her more than I do.  You love her more than I do.  You love her more than me, the one who carried her in my womb, more than I who held her and loved her and continue to love her.  Lord, I thank you for continuing to love and to love her.  What can I do to help  you help her to come home to you?

You are doing it.  Just pray and I will do the rest.  Be patient and don’t lose hope, even when you don’t see the fruits.  Our Mother, The Mother never lost hope or faith while she watched her only innocent son’s torture and murder.  She trusted my word and she knew I would deliver on that word and you must too.

You must not let anything separate you from that faith, hope and love.  You must not every give up.  Pray for her and pray for E’s mom to return to my Church.  She prays and loves but she has lost hope.  She has given up in the depths of her heart.  She needs me, she needs my sacraments to strengthen her and renew her faith.  Just pray for her.  She is ignorant of what my Church has for her and she must come back to ease her pain.  Pray for her return when you pray for them.

Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me

Lord, Shine your Light through me

John 13:1-15

Before the feast of Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to pass from this world to the Father.  He loved his own in the world and he loved them to the end.  The devil had already induced Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot, to hand him over.  So, during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments.  He took a towel and tied it around his waist.  Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and dry them with the towel around his waist.  He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Master, are you going to wash my feet?"  Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later."  Peter said to him, "You will never wash my feet."  Jesus answered him, "Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me."  Simon Peter said to him, "Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well."  Jesus said to him, "Whoever has bathed has no need except to have his feet washed, for he is clean all over; so you are clean, but not all."  For he knew who would betray him; for this reason, he said, "Not all of you are clean."  So when he had washed their feet and put his garments back on and reclined at table again, he said to them, "Do you realize what I have done for you?  You call me 'teacher' and 'master,' and rightly so, for indeed I am.  If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another's feet.  I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do."

Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me

Lord,

I have this fear of pride.  It seems to pop up everywhere.  It seems impossible to rid myself of it.

Pride is universal.  You cannot rid yourself of it completely but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to work on it.  Always work on it but do not eat yourself up and hold on to shame.  Ask for forgiveness and receive it and don’t look back.  You are clean and free.   Allow yourself to live in that freedom.

I love you and I want that for you. How can you share the gospel if others don’t see the light shining in you and through you?  The darkness is gone.  It is time to live solely in the light, My Light. 

Lord, fill me with your Light and help me keep it in the front of my mind and pouring your light out to others.

woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed

Lord, You have kept your promise to me.  I am healed!

Matthew 26:14-25

One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?"  They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over.

On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover?"  He said, "Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, 'The teacher says, "My appointed time draws near; in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples."'"  The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered, and prepared the Passover.

When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve.  And while they were eating, he said, "Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me."  Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, "Surely it is not I, Lord?"  He said in reply, "He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me.  The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed.  It would be better for that man if he had never been born."  Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?"  He answered, "You have said so."

woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed

Lord,

Nothing comes to mind.  I’m siting trying to meditate.  What are you saying?

Betrayal,  Betrayal can come from anyone.

Lord, it is still so hard to believe all that has happened in these past two years.  Your descent upon me was the most amazing thing that I never could have imagined.  That is what started this ball rolling.  That is what triggers my erratic behavior. That is why he betrayed me, why he flipped out and tore me up and later dumped me without any real reason or giving me a change to work through it.  Had he not acted similarly toward K, I would have believed it was all my fault.

Lord, you supplied all I needed to get through that nightmare.

Seeing him last night, I felt sad, sad for him, sad that he is in so much pain and is suffering so much.  I could see it and I could feel it.  He was like a completely different person.  It is amazing to see that bubbly, engaging joyful or at least happy man in so much pain.  It seems that  he has gone from a butterfly into a caterpillar trying to weave a cocoon quickly in order to hide form all that want his attention and all that he has hurt and cannot face, all those he cannot dare to encounter.  It looks to me like he has drug out some crap, he has found the darkness that he’s been hiding all these decades.  Maybe that was a confirmation to me that maybe his is getting help and that what I did was not in vain.  I still believe it was you leading me with the comments and the visit to FK. You’ve been telling me to trust myself so I will and I am. Please stay close to me and help me discern and then trust what I discern.