They were seeking to arrest him

Please bring peace of mind

Mark 12:1-12

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They were seeking to arrest him, but they feared the crowd, for they realized that he had addressed the parable to them. So they left him and went away.

Lord,

I see this is the devil working through them.  He fears being discovered and thrown out himself so he goes away for the time being.

Lord, I know that at any point you could have thrown them out, but you chose not to.  You had your reason then and you have your reason now.

Lord, I want to be rid of them but there is something inside me that says I don't.  There is something inside me that says, "who will I be without them?  I will not have them to blame for bad behavior.  But there is something else that says, "what bad behavior?"  Yes  I have removed mortal sin.  I work hard on being free of all sin.  In fact to the contrary.  I believe the scrupulosity was from them.  It kept me in constant turmoil.  There is something holding on.  I feel it.  It is telling me I am special because of them.  They bring me attention.

I know all of this is skewed thinking.  I know its not true, just like so many other lies, yet it keeps me from completely letting go.  It keeps me trying to control myself in a way that seems to maintain them.  Part of me, a large part of my brain tells me that my self control is like a corral that keeps them all trapped and contained.  Yes they are held in an area that keeps them all together where I can keep my eye on them but they are still  there and they need to be dispersed.  They are contained in a small area slamming into each other, creating havoc, making a mess within the corral, tearing it up, beating each other up, smashing into the fence that holds them in, smashing it beating it putting pressure on it, watching it buckle and crack, stretching it hear and there pressing it just to the point of breaking it, yet not breaking it.

Lord, that is my back.  The pain is like pressured knots and spasms causing me to contort myself trying to relieve the pain.  Lord, please release them, release me. Help me release them.