woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed

Lord, You have kept your promise to me.  I am healed!

Matthew 26:14-25

One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?"  They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over.

On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover?"  He said, "Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, 'The teacher says, "My appointed time draws near; in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples."'"  The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered, and prepared the Passover.

When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve.  And while they were eating, he said, "Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me."  Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, "Surely it is not I, Lord?"  He said in reply, "He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me.  The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed.  It would be better for that man if he had never been born."  Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?"  He answered, "You have said so."

woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed

Lord,

Nothing comes to mind.  I’m siting trying to meditate.  What are you saying?

Betrayal,  Betrayal can come from anyone.

Lord, it is still so hard to believe all that has happened in these past two years.  Your descent upon me was the most amazing thing that I never could have imagined.  That is what started this ball rolling.  That is what triggers my erratic behavior. That is why he betrayed me, why he flipped out and tore me up and later dumped me without any real reason or giving me a change to work through it.  Had he not acted similarly toward K, I would have believed it was all my fault.

Lord, you supplied all I needed to get through that nightmare.

Seeing him last night, I felt sad, sad for him, sad that he is in so much pain and is suffering so much.  I could see it and I could feel it.  He was like a completely different person.  It is amazing to see that bubbly, engaging joyful or at least happy man in so much pain.  It seems that  he has gone from a butterfly into a caterpillar trying to weave a cocoon quickly in order to hide form all that want his attention and all that he has hurt and cannot face, all those he cannot dare to encounter.  It looks to me like he has drug out some crap, he has found the darkness that he’s been hiding all these decades.  Maybe that was a confirmation to me that maybe his is getting help and that what I did was not in vain.  I still believe it was you leading me with the comments and the visit to FK. You’ve been telling me to trust myself so I will and I am. Please stay close to me and help me discern and then trust what I discern.