Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father

Mt 5:13-16

Lord, don't leave me

Jesus said to his disciples: "You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lamp stand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."

Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father

Lord,
I see where I am failing to be that light. I am not making living in the light look easy or simple. My example is showing others how much time I give you. Maybe that turns them away because they do not believe they can do it. Maybe it seems to them that it is too much. May it is too much for other. I realize my radical lifestyle. D thinks that all that has happened over the last two years is normal. If that is true, why don't I know people who've had experiences like this in such a short time? If having demons is normal, why don't I know people who have the or who have had them? It does seem that I have been focused on the downside of all of this. I have been. I have been vain or prideful, wanting to be special or different but at the same time not wanting to be alone and to stand out. I am trying to figure this out But I don't want to scrutinize it anymore. there is an unseen world that I have 'dipped' into and I have to accept that it is real and that it doesn't matter if anyone else believes it or not. That need or desire to be believed has caused me to feel insane or fear insanity or to fear others peoples'judgement of being insane. Lord, these things (demons) work every angle.
Part of me thinks maybe I should write a book. But what value would it have other than entertainment. Unless there are others like me. It could be annoying but how would that enable me to minister to others if I am alone in all of this? There would be no others.
You are not alone. You are separated.
The more I think about this, the more it seems like a science fiction book. It is true. I am hanging on to you like a child hands on to a parent in a crowd out of fear of becoming lost and left alone among strangers. Lord, that is a terrifying fear. Lord, calm that fear and help me trust you and help me slow down the rushing pushing crowd so I can breathe freely and find the peace in knowing you are in front of me, behind me and all around me.