Taking a child, he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it

Lord, never put me down

Mark 9:30-37
Jesus and his disciples left from there and began a journey through Galilee, but he did not wish anyone to know about it.   He was teaching his disciples and telling them, "The Son of Man is to be handed over to men and they will kill him, and three days after his death the Son of Man will rise."   But they did not understand the saying, and they were afraid to question him.

They came to Capernaum and, once inside the house, he began to ask them, "What were you arguing about on the way?"   But they remained silent.  For they had been discussing among themselves on the way who was the greatest.   Then he sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them, "If anyone wishes to be first,  he shall be the last of all and the servant of all."   Taking a child, he placed it in their midst,  and putting his arms around it, he said to them, "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me."

Taking a child, he placed it in their midst,  and putting his arms around it

Lord,

I want to be that child in your lap being hugged by you.

I am that child.  I feel so warm and secure in your embrace.  I feel peace and trust.  I trust you but in the back of my mind I anticipate you putting me down so I am not completely at peace.  My head and heart start to allow that thought to seep into my heart and I physically start to feel the fear spreading outward form my heart through the extremities of my body.  I want to hold on tighter but a the same time I do not want to be rejected and I fight within myself about staying or risking being sent away.

Lord, I do not want to be this way, to feel this way anymore.  I do this in every relationship I have.  I allow myself to feel safe, to love, I make myself vulnerable like a child then I regret it.  I start to fear rejection and the walls slowly go up as I imagine the other person has gotten to know me too well and that I have 'overstayed' my welcome and regret making myself so vulnerable and start to pull away, out of my fear of being shoved away or ignored away.

Lord, I need your help here.  This pattern repeats itself over and over in my life.

It doesn't have to .  You can learn to control it by controlling your thoughts.  As soon as you are aware of the road you are starting to travel, stop it and turn to me for strength and lean solely on me and my love and trust in me.  Remember to look for the peace and when it is not there, and it is not I  but you or  he who seeks to steal your peace.  Do not give your power over to those thoughts.  You know where they take you.  They always do.  And they are lies, lies meant to keep you in turmoil.