Father who sees in secret will repay you.

Matthew :1-6, 16-18

Lord, protect me from listening to the lies of the devil

Jesus said to his disciples:  "Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them;  otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father.  When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others.  Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them.  Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

"When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites.  They neglect their appearance,  so that they may appear to others to be fasting.  Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden.  And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you."

Father who sees in secret will repay you.

Lord,
This is specifically an area that the devil reigns in my life right now.  It is interesting how this comes up at the exact time that I am trying to differentiate between spiritual pride and sharing the blessings and good things you've been doing in my life.

I think you have shown me a glimpse of how I can tell the difference and it seems so simple.

When my words and actions make me look good without reflecting you, when I am seeking my own pat on the back, that is pride.

I have been struggling with sharing the good things you've given me and have done for me because I was so afraid of looking arrogant.  FA put that fear in me that day when he lost control.  I didn't realize how much power I gave his temper tantrum, how I allowed his loss of control to control my actions with a fear that buried itself deep in my heart like some kind of parasite.  A parasite that's been eating at me and controlling my mind and my actions.  The devil has been taking advantage of that fear, fueling the fire with thoughts of spiritual pride, keeping me quiet when I should have shared your greatness, your blessings and the miracles you've worked in my life.  I've even focused on the times when spiritual pride did cross my mind.  I've felt shame when I've said something or thoughts something that was prideful.  My feelings of shame were an overreaction that kept me from accepting your forgiveness and mercy and stole my peace.

The devil seems to be the culprit behind my loss of peace so often.  It's like he is always there waiting for an opportunity to make me take on guilt or shame that is not mine.  He pushes me into the mindset that suffering is what God wants from me.  I have been trying to seek out suffering for so long because I believed  his lies.  Lord, help me to see your truth and to make that the natural way I lean.