Hear me, all of you, and understand.....Are even you likewise without understanding

Lord, help me practice patience

Mark 7:14-23
Jesus summoned the crowd again and said to them, "Hear me, all of you, and understand.  Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile."

When he got home away from the crowd his disciples questioned him about the parable.  He said to them, "Are even you likewise without understanding?  Do you not realize that everything that goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters not the heart but the stomach and passes out into the latrine?"  (Thus he declared all foods clean.)  "But what comes out of the man, that is what defiles him.  From within the man, from his heart, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly.  All these evils come from within and they defile."

Hear me, all of you, and understand.....Are even you likewise without understanding

Lord,
I'm reading thinking, yet again, "OK, What?"  Understanding ....Lord, that is what stands out but???

Lord, I don't understand so many things.

It will be two years since it all began, in two more months, and I have changed, grown spiritually and I've changed my thinking a lot.  You brought me through a lot of emotional pain, of which, a small amount remains.  I know you will heal me of it completely and I have been impatient about it.  I have been impatient about many things.

 Even my body has changed for the better.  I do see that my view of myself physically has not changed much especially when I see myself in pictures.  All I see is the fat and ugliness that remains. Lord, I don't' want to be like that.  I know that is perfectionism and a bit of fear of being vain.  FA told me long ago that my concern about what others think of me was vanity and I didn't see it because I was not so concerned with my outward appearance at the time.

Lord, help me understand where you are taking me.  I can barely believe it's taken this long to get this far.  That day you filled me with yourself changed my life and started all of this.  As I think about how long it's taken me to get this far, I think about FA.  I don't know for sure if he has been receiving the help he needs and if he has it's been less than a year.

As I look at myself and my progress and the fact that I sought out this help myself and I truly want to change and am willing to do what it takes, I understand that it will take him more time.  It's not all about me.  It never was.  It was about him getting help too.  And the promise was that the time would not come for a reconciliation until we were both healed.  So an encounter now would not be fruitful and I would be disappointed and probably lose ground with my progress.  Just like this diet and the chiropractic work, I need not to only reach my goal, but maintain it and be stabilized or I risk a relapse.

Lord, I see where you are leading me here.  I need to be more patient and quit thinking of a reconciliation.  He is not close to being ready even if I am, which I am not.  I need to trust your perfect timing on this.  This is my opportunity to practice patience and trust in you and myself.

Please give me the grace to do this right, Lord,

You already have it, now you must rely on your own free will to carry this out.  I promise if you do trust in me, all will be well and you will be happy with the results but you must be patient and wait on me.