The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat...Do you not yet understand or comprehend?

Mark 8:14-21

Lord, your path is the only one that will take me home

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat.  Jesus enjoined them, "Watch out, guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod."   They concluded among themselves that it was because they had no bread.  When he became aware of this he said to them, "Why do you conclude that it is because you have no bread?  Do you not yet understand or comprehend?  Are your hearts hardened?  Do you have eyes and not see, ears and not hear?  And do you not remember, when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many wicker baskets full of fragments you picked up?"  They answered him, "Twelve."  "When I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many full baskets of fragments did you pick up?"  They answered him, "Seven."  He said to them, "Do you still not understand?"

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat...Do you not yet understand or comprehend?

Lord,
I don't know exactly what you are saying but what I think of is your divine providence.  You always provide.  Trust, trusting you is the element that allows me to depend on your providence.  

Lord, so often I forget or I allow fear to overcome me and I try to depend on my own abilities or I am impatient and try to rush things along or I don't like or want to go the route I see you leading me toward.  And ALWAYS, EVERY single time I miss out on what is best for me or I make things worse or I prolong the pain.

Lord, I don't want to be that way.  As I look back at this past year and a half and all the pain and insanity you pulled me through, I can clearly see how often I tried to manipulate circumstances, said things and did things that were not from you, how I justified some of those things out of pain, the intense pain of rejection and betrayal. I allowed it to prolong my recovery and to hurt him.  I allowed that pain to control me and it made things worse.  You allowed me to do what I did and you waited on me.  You nudged me in the right direction and when I went the other way, you loved me any way and you waited.  Your patience, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness and love have changed my life and my heart and soul.  I think I'm just starting to understand those attributes of yours that I recall FA mentioning so often.  Lord, he taught me way more than any other 'man in his profession' ever has and he hurt me more than any other person ever has.  How can that be?

He is human an you learned that lesson the hard way.  You will never forget that fact again.  

Lord, that is true.  It's like my eyes were opened and I saw into a deeper level of reality.  I allowed my love and admiration of him to taint reality.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  He had some responsibility and your condition played a huge part in it.  It was a  battle every day for a long time, but that part is over and you have grown and become a new person because of it.  It did bring a greater good out of the pain and suffering.

Lord, that makes the agony worth it and there is nothing more valuable than the relationship I have with you.