at the preaching of Jonah they repented

All you have to do is be sorry and ask

Luke 11:29-32
While still more people gathered in the crowd, Jesus said to them, "This generation is an evil  generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it, except the sign of Jonah.   Just as Jonah became a sign to the Ninevites, so will the Son of Man be to this generation.  At the judgment the queen of the south will rise with the men of this generation and she will condemn them, because she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and there is something greater than Solomon here.   At the judgment the men of Nineveh will arise with this generation and condemn it, because at the preaching of Jonah they repented, and there is something greater than Jonah here."

at the preaching of Jonah they repented

Lord,
You are the one that came to free me from my sins.  All you ask is that I repent and ask you for forgiveness.

Then why do I feel like that is not enough?  Why do I feel like I have to look behind every rock and find sins that may or may not be there, why am I so often searching for reasons for you to not accept me?

It's all in your head.  You have been conditioned and you continue to live under the impression that you are not good enough, that you never will be but your soul desires it..  You don't give up, but you drive yourself crazy in unbelief.  Your heart knows you are free but your will does not believe it.  You have to accept it or nothing will ever change, not completely.  You are working on it and have made progress.  Just the fact that you assume that is the truth about you is a choice around your neck but the links are getting weaker and one day when you are ready, when you decide you are ready, you will free yourself and allow yourself to experience the freedom I've already given you.

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

God knows your needs before you ask, keep asking anyway

Matthew 6:7-15
Jesus said to his disciples:  "In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words.  Do not be like them.  Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

"This is how you are to pray:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

"If you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions."

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Lord,
You know my needs before I ask.  You know what I want that is not good for me.  Lord, I ask for the same thing day after day.  J's return to your grace.

I don't understand this. I will do it but I do not understand

It is not for me but you.  When you pray you are conversing with me.  The babbling is not prayer.

Lord, I almost forgot, how I finally discovered or realized that praising and worshiping you is not for you but for me.

Lord,
you know that true joy, praise and worship brings to me, to us.  My heart sings and is filled with my love for you and I can only express it, as weak as it is through praise and worship of you.  The one and only living God.

All day long, I express my love to you and it fills me with joy.  Even thought it is not public and it is just between us, my heart swells with love.  I know love is not a feeling but joy is and you have given me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  I never knew what joy was and I'm sure I couldn't express it but I know what it is now and where it come from and I want everyone to possess it.  I want everyone to know you and love you and experience you the way I do.  Lord, is that possible?

Everyone experiences me differently but everyone has the capacity to experience me.  They have to want it, believe it and be open to me.  They have to seek me.  I am always there, but they have to seek me.  Some take longer than others.  Many have to fail before they seek or rather they seek but do not find because they are seeking the wrong things, in the wrong places.  They are seeking in this material world, and I am not there, not in things.

The accumulation of things is a diversion.  Everyone seeks the gift when the real gift is the giver.

Lord, help me to always keep my eyes on you.  Help me let go of all the things that take me away from you and your will for me.  Lord, give me peace and strength, the strength to resist what is not for me and what is bad for me.

He will sit upon his glorious throne

Do the will of the Lord

Matthew 25:31-46
Jesus said to his disciples:  "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him.   And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.  Then the king will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father.  Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.'  Then the righteous will answer him and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?   When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?'  And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.'  Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.'  Then they will answer and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?'  He will answer them, 'Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.'  And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

he will sit upon his glorious throne

Lord,
My mind keeps going back to him.

I can see you sitting on your glorious throne and I, a child am sitting on your lap.  You are hugging me and squeezing me with your love.  You know the torment I've gone through and it was all worth it, to sit with you, to be with you.  Lord, help me remember that is my goal, to be with you always and forever.

I know that in the meantime I must do your will without hope of earthly payment, recognition, ever understanding and acceptance.

I was wondering what the difference was between the comment I made about his anger and my temptation to go back and remind him that sometimes harsh words of truth can feel like a stab in the back.  But you know my intention then and now.  The other day it was for him, today it is for my own desire to be understood.

That is not going got happen.  He will not understand until he gets through this.  He is fighting a tiger within himself that's been part of who he is for a long time.  Let go, its about him.  You are doing well, now get back on the path you were on.

tempted by Satan

He was like us in every way but sin

Mark 1:12-15
The Spirit drove Jesus out into the desert,  and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan.  He was among wild beasts, and the angels ministered to him.  After John had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the gospel of God:  "This is the time of fulfillment.  The kingdom of God is at hand.  Repent, and believe in the gospel."

tempted by Satan

Lord,
Temptation.  The two things that have been a thorn in my side the most, have both flared up and my heart is so tender and sensitive right now.

I fell, when it came to him.  I am fighting the temptation to get wrapped up in it again.  I believe you sent me to that place the other day to remind him how much his anger hurts.  And I believe I did the right thing reminding him, but now the temptation to go back and get back in that cycle of reading, getting emotional and responding back.  Lord, pull me out.  I did not think he would put it up and then when I read his next day, it looked like he was feeling that he was stabbed in the back.

He also said harsh words taught him something. He will learn.  His feelings are just that HIS feelings.  You did the right thing, now move on, you are on the path.  Be strong and don't let him take your focus off what is important, off me and my love for you.  He is on another path.  Your paths will meet again but not until you are both ready, healed.  You are closer than he is. Don't go back there , I know you want to.  He is not good for you.  He hurts you still and you haven't had contact in such a long time.  Let him go his way and you go yours.  Don't get pulled in and go backwards.  Resist.

Right now you are tempted to go back with him and with her (J, dauaghter).  You know I will bring good from both, but they are both in my hands along with your grief and sorrow.  This is a hard lesson and it continues but you are strong and it will make you stronger.

Lord, help me regain my strength in both of these situations.

You know I will, but let me.

Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were at table with them.

Forgive me for I have sinned

Luke 5:27-32
Jesus saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at the customs post.  He said to him, "Follow me."  And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him.  Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were at table with them.  The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?"  Jesus said to them in reply, "Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do.  I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners."

Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were at table with them.

Lord,
Levi was a horrible sinner and yet Jesus invited  him to come to him and Levi brought many sinners to him to be saved.

Lord, I love how you can use every one of us for your good, no matter how bad we have been and you forgive us so quickly. The self righteous complain and you keep doing what you do, healing the sinners

Thank you Lord for healing me.

Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?

When she sees me, she sees Him

Matthew 9:14-15
The disciples of John approached Jesus and said, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast much, but your disciples do not fast?"  Jesus answered them, "Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?  The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast."


Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?  


Lord,
You have helped me to not mourn for her (daughter who left Church) the way I would have in the past.  I did mourn before she got here but I refuse to lose the time I have with her.  You have given me the grace and I know it's your grace, to put the sadness and sorrow on hold.  You have allowed me to enjoy this time and not anticipate the day she is no longer here.  Thant you Lord, that in itself is a miracle knowing where I've been and knowing my past.  I have wasted so much time expressing my disappointment and sorry over her and to her.  She knows now what she needs to see is the joy that you give me.  She needs to see you in me and all around her.


She will.

What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?"

Lead her Lord

Luke 9:22-25

Jesus said to his disciples:  "The Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed and on the third day be raised."

Then he said to all, "If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.  What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?"

What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?"

Lord,
This stands out to me today but not in a big way.  What comes to mind is not abut me but Jennasen.  She is focused completely on worldly things, but not in a materialistic way.  How can she look at the beauty and life that you've given her and all of us and not see you?

When she 'had' the faith, it was all in her head, the rules, practices and religiosity of it.  She never had a deep relationship, yet she did have faith, she did believe and now she's lost that.  She's been swallowed up by the world.

Her faith is still there, it is just covered  up by the world, the lies and twisted truths that are there for the sole purpose of ensnaring those who are weak and looking for an excuse to let go of the difficulty of staying on the righteous road.  It is so much easier to let the free will control you than to be controlled by your conscience.  But her free will and what it has done for her and where it's taken her will one day fail and she will reach out to me and I will be there.  Don't worry, trust me and be patient.  This is a lesson for you as much as for her.  I can weave it all together and bring good out of anything and everything.  Rest in the peace of knowing that.

Father who sees in secret will repay you.

Matthew :1-6, 16-18

Lord, protect me from listening to the lies of the devil

Jesus said to his disciples:  "Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them;  otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father.  When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others.  Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them.  Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

"When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites.  They neglect their appearance,  so that they may appear to others to be fasting.  Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden.  And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you."

Father who sees in secret will repay you.

Lord,
This is specifically an area that the devil reigns in my life right now.  It is interesting how this comes up at the exact time that I am trying to differentiate between spiritual pride and sharing the blessings and good things you've been doing in my life.

I think you have shown me a glimpse of how I can tell the difference and it seems so simple.

When my words and actions make me look good without reflecting you, when I am seeking my own pat on the back, that is pride.

I have been struggling with sharing the good things you've given me and have done for me because I was so afraid of looking arrogant.  FA put that fear in me that day when he lost control.  I didn't realize how much power I gave his temper tantrum, how I allowed his loss of control to control my actions with a fear that buried itself deep in my heart like some kind of parasite.  A parasite that's been eating at me and controlling my mind and my actions.  The devil has been taking advantage of that fear, fueling the fire with thoughts of spiritual pride, keeping me quiet when I should have shared your greatness, your blessings and the miracles you've worked in my life.  I've even focused on the times when spiritual pride did cross my mind.  I've felt shame when I've said something or thoughts something that was prideful.  My feelings of shame were an overreaction that kept me from accepting your forgiveness and mercy and stole my peace.

The devil seems to be the culprit behind my loss of peace so often.  It's like he is always there waiting for an opportunity to make me take on guilt or shame that is not mine.  He pushes me into the mindset that suffering is what God wants from me.  I have been trying to seek out suffering for so long because I believed  his lies.  Lord, help me to see your truth and to make that the natural way I lean.

Taking a child, he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it

Lord, never put me down

Mark 9:30-37
Jesus and his disciples left from there and began a journey through Galilee, but he did not wish anyone to know about it.   He was teaching his disciples and telling them, "The Son of Man is to be handed over to men and they will kill him, and three days after his death the Son of Man will rise."   But they did not understand the saying, and they were afraid to question him.

They came to Capernaum and, once inside the house, he began to ask them, "What were you arguing about on the way?"   But they remained silent.  For they had been discussing among themselves on the way who was the greatest.   Then he sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them, "If anyone wishes to be first,  he shall be the last of all and the servant of all."   Taking a child, he placed it in their midst,  and putting his arms around it, he said to them, "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me."

Taking a child, he placed it in their midst,  and putting his arms around it

Lord,

I want to be that child in your lap being hugged by you.

I am that child.  I feel so warm and secure in your embrace.  I feel peace and trust.  I trust you but in the back of my mind I anticipate you putting me down so I am not completely at peace.  My head and heart start to allow that thought to seep into my heart and I physically start to feel the fear spreading outward form my heart through the extremities of my body.  I want to hold on tighter but a the same time I do not want to be rejected and I fight within myself about staying or risking being sent away.

Lord, I do not want to be this way, to feel this way anymore.  I do this in every relationship I have.  I allow myself to feel safe, to love, I make myself vulnerable like a child then I regret it.  I start to fear rejection and the walls slowly go up as I imagine the other person has gotten to know me too well and that I have 'overstayed' my welcome and regret making myself so vulnerable and start to pull away, out of my fear of being shoved away or ignored away.

Lord, I need your help here.  This pattern repeats itself over and over in my life.

It doesn't have to .  You can learn to control it by controlling your thoughts.  As soon as you are aware of the road you are starting to travel, stop it and turn to me for strength and lean solely on me and my love and trust in me.  Remember to look for the peace and when it is not there, and it is not I  but you or  he who seeks to steal your peace.  Do not give your power over to those thoughts.  You know where they take you.  They always do.  And they are lies, lies meant to keep you in turmoil.

"'If you can!' Everything is possible to one who has faith."..."I do believe, help my unbelief!"

Lord, help my unbelief

Mark 9:14-29
As Jesus came down from the mountain with Peter, James, John and approached the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and scribes arguing with them.  Immediately on seeing him, the whole crowd was utterly amazed.  They ran up to him and greeted him.   He asked them, "What are you arguing about with them?"  Someone from the crowd answered him, "Teacher, I have brought to you my son possessed by a mute spirit.  Wherever it seizes him, it throws him down; he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid.  I asked your disciples to drive it out, but they were unable to do so."  He said to them in reply, "O faithless generation, how long will I be with you?  How long will I endure you? Bring him to me."   They brought the boy to him.  And when he saw him, the spirit immediately threw the boy into convulsions.  As he fell to the ground, he began to roll around  and foam at the mouth.   Then he questioned his father, "How long has this been happening to him?"   He replied, "Since childhood.  It has often thrown him into fire and into water to kill him.  But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."  Jesus said to him, "'If you can!' Everything is possible to one who has faith."  Then the boy's father cried out, "I do believe, help my unbelief!"  Jesus, on seeing a crowd rapidly gathering, rebuked the unclean spirit and said to it, "Mute and deaf spirit, I command you:  come out of him and never enter him again!"  Shouting and throwing the boy into convulsions, it came out.  He became like a corpse, which caused many to say, "He is dead!"  But Jesus took him by the hand, raised him, and he stood up.  When he entered the house, his disciples asked him in private, "Why could we not drive the spirit out?"  He said to them, "This kind can only come out through prayer."

"'If you can!' Everything is possible to one who has faith."..."I do believe, help my unbelief!"

Lord,
This is where I am the most vulnerable most of the time.  The doubt seeps in slowly after I have a conviction, after I have just made a decision to trust and I feel confident in what I believe. That is when I start to fear that I have just been fooling myself and that I have been arrogant in my belief that you would give me such a gift, the gift of allowing me to hear you so clearly, knowing it is you.  The doubt steals my peace.  Lord, I know that is not you because my heart starts to sink and I feel fear, fear of looking stupid and of being wrong and fooled either by myself or by the evil one.

You should be afraid of not trusting more.  Remember where I am, the goal, the truth, the light. What if you are wrong?  There is no penalty for being wrong, but the doubt eats you up.  Stop it.  Hold on to me even when you are wrong.

Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him

Mark 2:1-12

She is searching with her eyes closed

When Jesus returned to Capernaum after some days, it became known that he was at home.  Many gathered together so that there was no longer room for them, not even around the door, and he preached the word to them.  They came bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men.  Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him.  After they had broken through, they let down the mat on which the paralytic was lying.  When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Child, your sins are forgiven."  Now some of the scribes were sitting there asking themselves, "Why does this man speak that way? He is blaspheming.  Who but God alone can forgive sins?"  Jesus immediately knew in his mind what they were thinking to themselves, so he said, "Why are you thinking such things in your hearts?  Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Rise, pick up your mat and walk?'  But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority to forgive sins on earth" -he said to the paralytic, "I say to you, rise, pick up your mat, and go home."  He rose, picked up his mat at once, and went away in the sight of everyone.  They were all astounded and glorified God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this."

Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him

Lord,
They did whatever they could to reach you.  they were creative and did not care what others would think of them.  They had faith in you, your word and your divinity.

Lord, as I look around in this chapel today, I see many people who are not the fancy rich people coming here  to be close to you.  I see the regular, the ones who may not have been blessed with material things.  Yet they know who you are and what you've given them.  Of course, I am assuming by outward appearance.  But I see a faith and devotion here, among these people that I do not see in the pews.  Lord, Help me to reflect you in may actions.  Help me to be the example you desire me to be.  Lord, the one person I desire the most to come to you, is so far from you.

Your example and faithfulness and dedication and consistent continued love and devotion will be with her and show her I am real.  She is lost but not for good.  She is watching and even though she does not agree or understand, she respects you and your dedication that will bring her back.  She will need 'the rock' the true rock, me and I will be here when she does and so will you. right now she is searching for me out thee.  She doesn't know it but it is me she longs for and searches for and I am right in front of her eyes.  She will open them one day and know that I have been faithful to her and patient.  Don't worry, have faith and know she is mine.

...led them up a high mountain apart by themselves. And he was transfigured before them...

Lord, even when I am unaware, you are with me

Mark 9:2-13
Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain apart by themselves.  And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no fuller on earth could bleach them.  Then Elijah appeared to them along with Moses, and they were conversing with Jesus.  Then Peter said to Jesus in reply, "Rabbi, it is good that we are here!  Let us make three tents:  one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah."  He hardly knew what to say, they were so terrified.  Then a cloud came, casting a shadow over them; then from the cloud came a voice, "This is my beloved Son. Listen to him."  Suddenly, looking around, the disciples no longer saw anyone but Jesus alone with them.

As they were coming down from the mountain, he charged them not to relate what they had seen to anyone, except when the Son of Man had risen from the dead.  So they kept the matter to themselves, questioning what rising from the dead meant.  Then they asked him, "Why do the scribes say that Elijah must come first?"  He told them, "Elijah will indeed come first and restore all things, yet how is it written regarding the Son of Man that he must suffer greatly and be treated with contempt?  But I tell you that Elijah has come and they did to him whatever they pleased, as it is written of him."

led them up a high mountain apart by themselves.  And he was transfigured before them

Lord,
Why did you show yourself to them in that way?

To strengthen their faith.

Lord, This is exactly what happened to me that day when you filled me with yourself so completely.  My faith was not only strengthened but it became a real living thing.  It became alive.  It was like I was sleeping, I was following along in a dark kind of faith.  I believed with my head, but my heart was not there.  You allowed me to know without doubt, that you were and are with me.

Lord, I will never forget that day.  It changed me forever.  And there are no words to describe  it completely.  As I am sure this description is lacking.  It is not possible to put earthy words on the supernatural.

Lord, I know that you have some purpose, unknown to me, for my life and I know that you are unveiling it as it plays out, as I need to know and in the time that is best for me and for it's completion.  Lord, help me to be patient, wait on you and then help me understand your intentions so I can carry out 'your plan'.  Help me cooperate in your plan and to be the person and example you desire I be to others.

What could one give in exchange for his life?

Lord, you are the only one I need approval from

Mark 8:34-9:1
Jesus summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,  but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the Gospel will save it.  What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?  What could one give in exchange for his life?  Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this faithless and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."

He also said to them, "Amen, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see that the Kingdom of God has come in power."

  What could one give in exchange for his life?  

Lord,
How often I do not think about this went I face something or someone who's opinion may hurt me or my pride?

Lord, I see that if I weigh all the difficult things against the possibility of losing eternity with you and act in accordance, I would not make many of the decisions I do in what I say and do.  Lord, I need yo to remind me when I forget and give me the grace to do what is good and holy and when I fail, I need you to help me forgive myself and remember your forgiveness and unconditional love for me.

You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do."

Lord, help me expand into the person you made me to be

Jesus and his disciples set out for the villages of Caesarea Philippi. Along the way he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that I am?"  They said in reply, "John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others one of the prophets."  And he asked them, "But who do you say that I am?"  Peter said to him in reply, "You are the Christ."  Then he warned them not to tell anyone about him.

He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and rise after three days.  He spoke this openly.  Then Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.  At this he turned around and, looking at his disciples, rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan.  You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do."

You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do."

Lord,
It is so hard to not think as a human being does.  That is who and what I am.  That is how you made me, a human being.


I made you for more.  Your capacity is infinite.  I'm talking about your soul going into eternity.  Your human body is finite but there is much capacity for growth and understanding.  


It's like a giant almost empty warehouse where your understanding and experience only resides in a small corner.  You have all your 'stuff', stuffed in there, inside your self imposed boundaries.  You have your small amount of knowledge stuffed so tightly together that there is no room to walk around.  There is little room to breath.  You have been afraid to 'spread out', not wanting to take up too much 'space' with a fear of imposing on someone else's 'space', not feeling worthy of even the space you currently occupy.  When someone comes into your space, you feel the need to rearrange to accommodate them. While they are there, you are busy, working rearranging, trying to make yourself' more acceptable and appealing.  You do not give them your full attention because you are focused on your own inadequacies.  You do not completely give yourself to others because you do not believe they would really like who that is and then you would be even more wounded.  You are not free to be and it is your own restraints that are keeping you there.

his sight was restored and he could see everything distinctly. ... "Do not even go into the village."

When Jesus and his disciples arrived at Bethsaida, people brought to him a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him.  He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village.  Putting spittle on his eyes he laid his hands on the man and asked, "Do you see anything?"  Looking up the man replied, "I see people looking like trees and walking."  Then he laid hands on the man's eyes a second time and he saw clearly; his sight was restored and he could see everything distinctly.  Then he sent him home and said, "Do not even go into the village."

his sight was restored and he could see everything distinctly.  ... "Do not even go into the village."

Lord,
This is so confusing.  You healed this man and then sent him where it would not be known,  Lord, help me understand.  This has been so confusing to me for so long.  Do you want people to know abut you or not?

It was not time, at that time.  Now it is time.   At that time knowledge of my miracles created a frenzy which distracted from the gospel message.  Many who were cured did not maintain their faith.  Many people are cured or healed in increments, not all at once and many do not accept less than a full miraculous cure as a miracle from God.   Today many experience miracles but do not accept them as such or as a gift form me.  They receive those gifts through the faith of others in hope and desire for it, the miracle itself is to sanctify and give them faith.  And some still do not accept it or embrace it.

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat...Do you not yet understand or comprehend?

Mark 8:14-21

Lord, your path is the only one that will take me home

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat.  Jesus enjoined them, "Watch out, guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod."   They concluded among themselves that it was because they had no bread.  When he became aware of this he said to them, "Why do you conclude that it is because you have no bread?  Do you not yet understand or comprehend?  Are your hearts hardened?  Do you have eyes and not see, ears and not hear?  And do you not remember, when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many wicker baskets full of fragments you picked up?"  They answered him, "Twelve."  "When I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many full baskets of fragments did you pick up?"  They answered him, "Seven."  He said to them, "Do you still not understand?"

The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat...Do you not yet understand or comprehend?

Lord,
I don't know exactly what you are saying but what I think of is your divine providence.  You always provide.  Trust, trusting you is the element that allows me to depend on your providence.  

Lord, so often I forget or I allow fear to overcome me and I try to depend on my own abilities or I am impatient and try to rush things along or I don't like or want to go the route I see you leading me toward.  And ALWAYS, EVERY single time I miss out on what is best for me or I make things worse or I prolong the pain.

Lord, I don't want to be that way.  As I look back at this past year and a half and all the pain and insanity you pulled me through, I can clearly see how often I tried to manipulate circumstances, said things and did things that were not from you, how I justified some of those things out of pain, the intense pain of rejection and betrayal. I allowed it to prolong my recovery and to hurt him.  I allowed that pain to control me and it made things worse.  You allowed me to do what I did and you waited on me.  You nudged me in the right direction and when I went the other way, you loved me any way and you waited.  Your patience, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness and love have changed my life and my heart and soul.  I think I'm just starting to understand those attributes of yours that I recall FA mentioning so often.  Lord, he taught me way more than any other 'man in his profession' ever has and he hurt me more than any other person ever has.  How can that be?

He is human an you learned that lesson the hard way.  You will never forget that fact again.  

Lord, that is true.  It's like my eyes were opened and I saw into a deeper level of reality.  I allowed my love and admiration of him to taint reality.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  He had some responsibility and your condition played a huge part in it.  It was a  battle every day for a long time, but that part is over and you have grown and become a new person because of it.  It did bring a greater good out of the pain and suffering.

Lord, that makes the agony worth it and there is nothing more valuable than the relationship I have with you.

seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him

I cannot resist a mother's love

Mark 8:11-13
The Pharisees came forward and began to argue with Jesus, seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him.  He sighed from the depth of his spirit and said, "Why does this generation seek a sign?  Amen, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation."  Then he left them, got into the boat again, and went off to the other shore.

seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him

Lord,
This has been somewhat confusing at times for me.  Lord is it asking for the sign or testing you that is wrong?

Both

I thought you were going to say a test.   But I understand that asking for a sign may come from a lack of faith.

You have given me so many signs or shown me confirmations that what I believe to be from you, is from you.

The signs that they wanted were miracles for proof.  You have done that once when your grief was overwhelming.  The grief of a mother who's child was taken.  You were not arrogantly wanting proof. You were in such a depth of sorrow, not understanding and hurting so deeply.  A mother's love, I cannot resist.

You got your answer that has given you consolations for years.  And you got the rest of he prayer answered years later. 


Yes, I do exist. Yes your baby is in heaven and yes her life had a purpose, to bring you to me.  I want you to look at that and see how your prayer, your desperate prayer was answered.  It didn't happen in the time you desired but it happened in the right time.


Patience, patience will bring you peace.  You know J will return.  I have confirmed that and that one confirmation has brought you peace on so many occasions when you were losing faith out of your impatience.  And that impatience brought you turmoil.  And you know where the turmoil is from  and it is not from me.  If he (the devil) cannot have your soul, he will settle for your misery.  Misery gives him pleasure and it fills him with pride because he takes credit for it and rightfully so.  He is the father of misery and all other forms of human suffering.  He only plants the thought that puts your own concupiscence into motion.  He still has a hold on your heart and mind, he will not let to, you have to break free.  It has to come from you and I will help but you must reach up to me and ask and then cooperate, even when it is difficult because of its' discomfort.

Yes Lord, as always, please give  me the grace.

You know I will

He remained outside in deserted places, and people kept coming to him from everywhere

Lord, help me love the way you love

Mark 1:40-45
A leper came to Jesus and kneeling down begged him and said, "If you wish, you can make me clean."  Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand,  touched him, and said to him,  "I do will it. Be made clean."  The leprosy left him immediately, and he was made clean.  Then, warning the him sternly, he dismissed him at once.

He said to him, "See that you tell no one anything, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses prescribed;  that will be proof for them."

The man went away and began to publicize the whole matter.  He spread the report abroad so that it was impossible for Jesus to enter a town openly.  He remained outside in deserted places, and people kept coming to him from everywhere.

 He remained outside in deserted places, and people kept coming to him from everywhere

Lord,
You were not easy to find but they found you anyway.  Lord, it took me 40 years to find you and you were not hiding.  You were right with me the whole time.  Help me to remember when I was lost.  Help me to be more charitable to those who are not there yet.

Lord, mama is one of those people.  She does not have you, personally.  She does not understand your word so she dismisses it as not being true.  She has bought into the lie of the culture.   How can I help her?  Shs is in the last hour of her life, the last state before she leaves this earth.  The most critical time of her life, of her eternal life.  She hs been like this for over 80 years.  I do'tknow what or how I ccan help her come closer to you.  I know you can do it, but you  have to show me what you want me to do.


Spend more time with her.  Speak lovingly, gently with joy and she will want it.  She has not been looking so she has to first have a desire to know me, to come to me.  She does not know what she is missing.  You must show her with your actions, not criticisms and judgements.  Those will only shut her down and make her want to go away and not change.

Patience, compassion, love, gentleness, wisdom, peace, confidence....These are the things I will need to do this.  Lord, will you give me the grace?  It will be hard and impossible without it.

But this is the most important thing yo can do, this is what its all about.

Lord, I can see it now.  A whole life's purpose is to get to heaven and I have the opportunity to help her, to guide her.  This is a hug responsibility.

Yes but one you do.  Your love will live on forever.

My heart is moved with pity for the crowd, because they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat

If they could all love you the way I do....

Mark 8:1-10
In those days when there again was a great crowd without anything to eat, Jesus summoned the disciples and said, "My heart is moved with pity for the crowd, because they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat.  If I send them away hungry to their homes, they will collapse on the way, and some of them have come a great distance."  His disciples answered him, "Where can anyone get enough bread to satisfy them here in this deserted place?"  Still he asked them, "How many loaves do you have?"  They replied, Seven."  He ordered the crowd to sit down on the ground.  Then, taking the seven loaves he gave thanks, broke them, and gave them to his disciples to distribute, and they distributed them to the crowd.  They also had a few fish.  He said the blessing over them and ordered them distributed also.  They ate and were satisfied.  They picked up the fragments left over--seven baskets.  There were about four thousand people.

He dismissed the crowd and got into the boat with his disciples and came to the region of Dalmanutha.

My heart is moved with pity for the crowd, because they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat

Lord,
I don't get this.  Nothing stands out today but this, but it has nothing attached to it inside me. "My heart is moved with pity", that is what keeps coming to mind but there are no feelings or thoughts.

Those people were captured by you.  They followed you or sat with you for three days, even after their food ran out.  They gave themselves to you and did not even think of themselves and their need for food.  I think you must have captured their heart, mind and body.  Lord, I feel that way so often.  You have captured my heart, mind and body.  Sometimes I feel like I have a backstage pass.  I feel so close to you, that I have your full attention.  I have never received that from anyone in my life.  When I think about it, I feel selfish.  I look around to see if anyone has noticed my arrogance or selfishness.  I still feel like I am doing something wrong in this relationship.  I still feel a little like I am sneaking our or maybe not sneaking out but overindulging with my time with you.  I don't so much care what others think of it much any more because unless they have what I have, they will never understand.

I want them to understand, to know that you are real, that you are all the things the Bible says you are and that you are specifically in love with them.

It is still so hard to grasp that you can be completely with me and with someone else at the same time, that you handmade me specifically the way I am, that the differences between and others are intentional.

Lord, help me embrace those differences and discover their purpose because I know that you have purpose in everything.  Lord, help me release the shame I feel for being different and to accept the qualities that I deem so negative.  The difficulty I have with self control because of the mood disorder is what pains me the most.  How do I let go and forgive myself for the things I say or do that I later regret?  Many of those things are not sins, yet they haunt me just the same.

For years I believed my openness was a  gift because I was authentic and it opened others up and put down their guard so often, it made them trust me.  I thought it gave me freedom to be myself but what it often did was open me up for hurt, rejections and so often when I look back at those times, it's like I made myself naked and then I regret and feel shame.  Lord, I don't know the difference between embarrassment and shame.

Shame is deeply rooted and comes back over and over.Embarrassed is like a snapshot, a short time and then it is over and you are able to let it go and often laugh at it in retrospect.

Lord, help me get rid of this same because that is what it is.

He makes the deaf hear and the mute speak

Lord, do with me what you Will

Mark 7:31-37
Jesus left the district of Tyre and went by way of Sidon to the Sea of Galilee, into the district of the Decapolis.   And people brought to him a deaf man who had a speech impediment and begged him to lay his hand on him.  He took him off by himself away from the crowd.   He put his finger into the man's ears and, spitting, touched his tongue; then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, "Ephphatha!" (that is, "Be opened!")  And immediately the man's ears were opened, his speech impediment was removed, and he spoke plainly.   He ordered them not to tell anyone.   But the more he ordered them not to, the more they proclaimed it.   They were exceedingly astonished and they said, "He has done all things well.   He makes the deaf hear and the mute speak."

He makes the deaf hear and the mute speak

Lord,
You have done this for me.  You have been speaking to me my entire life but I did not hear you until that day, that day in 2004.  I heard you so clearly and I had no doubt it was you.  It's been seven years since that day and I have heard you in all that time, leading me, correcting me, consoling me, teaching me, counseling me, healing me and using me, even when I am not faithful to you, when I allow my feelings of anger, fear, doubt, rejection and so many others lead me away from what you desire from me and every time I regret it.  I suffer in some way because of my rebellion and my desire to control things.

You are learning even thought you do not embrace those things you do not wish to do ,with zeal, passion and a desire to please me, but with resignation that if you do not comply, you will regret it.  Well that is a step on the way to total abandonment to my will and I will take it.

Lord, I am sorry.  I do still have a will that does not want to do what I do not want to do even thought I know in my heart that it is what I must do and that it is what is best for me and for all involved.  Lord, I will work on embracing your will for me with more love and gratitude and a desire to please you because I really do know that is what will be best for me and it will save me pain and regrets.

You do that.  It would make me happy and you as well.  I love you and want the best for you and I alone know what is best and I will lead you.

Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children's scraps

Lord, all I want is for her to be back in your arms

Mark 7:24-30
Jesus went to the district of Tyre.  He entered a house and wanted no one to know about it, but he could not escape notice.  Soon a woman whose daughter had an unclean spirit heard about him.  She came and fell at his feet.  The woman was a Greek, a Syrophoenician by birth, and she begged him to drive the demon out of her daughter.  He said to her, "Let the children be fed first.  For it is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs."  She replied and said to him, "Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children's scraps."  Then he said to her, "For saying this, you may go.  The demon has gone out of your daughter."  When the woman went home, she found the child lying in bed and the demon gone.

Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children's scraps


Lord,
You got me here.  I think I understood what this meant at the time, but what does it mean to me today?  “Even the dogs under the table eat the children’s scraps.”

Lord, I will take whatever you have to give.  This woman knew she was not one of “His” children or at least believed it and yet she had courage to go to him and beg.  What humility.  He r love for her daughter drove her.  Just thinking of that brings tears to my eyes.  Lord, J will be here in less than two weeks and I am filled with grief, knowing she is living so far from you.  It stabs my heart.

She’s not so far, she just thinks she is.  She has to fall trying to do it without me, that way she’ll know she needs me.  She will be more convicted in her faith; it won’t be based on what she read or what someone told her.  You know she’s never learned that way.  She has a good heart, she loves, she does what she believes is right, as misguided as she may be.  She called on me and I was there (in car accident).  I am there always.  I am all around her, protecting her.   My mother is there.  We love her more than you.  We want her salvation more than you.

Lord, that is hard for me to grasp, that anyone could love her more than I do, yet I know it’s true.  Lord, I know she experiences what I do, the mood swings.  But she does not want to treat them.   She thinks she can control it or live with it and I guess she can live with it, but she doesn’t have to.  Lord, my genes brought this on her and I know I have no control over it, but I still grieve at little that she has to suffer through this and so do those around her.  The only thing I can do is pray and see if I can find a natural solution for her.

She’s a big girl.  It’s not up to you.  She has choices and she has to live with her choices.

Lord, I don’t even know if that (statement above) is you speaking.

It’s not.  Your discernment was accurate.  He (devil) wants her to live with the pain and the struggles you have.  But that’s not what I want or what you want either.  This is a way to show her your love.  Finding a natural cure will not be easy.  But by going that way, doing it her way, you will be showing her your love and your acceptance of what’s important to her.  You will be helping her in a way she needs help but doesn’t even realize.

Lord, if she goes through the depression that I have, I know it is dark and I have had some medication, at least for that part of it for years.  I don’t know how much worse it would have been without medication.  Lord, more than all of this, I want her to know she needs you, that ultimately you are the only ‘thing’ that will make her truly happy.

I know, she will……………………….one day.

Hear me, all of you, and understand.....Are even you likewise without understanding

Lord, help me practice patience

Mark 7:14-23
Jesus summoned the crowd again and said to them, "Hear me, all of you, and understand.  Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile."

When he got home away from the crowd his disciples questioned him about the parable.  He said to them, "Are even you likewise without understanding?  Do you not realize that everything that goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters not the heart but the stomach and passes out into the latrine?"  (Thus he declared all foods clean.)  "But what comes out of the man, that is what defiles him.  From within the man, from his heart, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly.  All these evils come from within and they defile."

Hear me, all of you, and understand.....Are even you likewise without understanding

Lord,
I'm reading thinking, yet again, "OK, What?"  Understanding ....Lord, that is what stands out but???

Lord, I don't understand so many things.

It will be two years since it all began, in two more months, and I have changed, grown spiritually and I've changed my thinking a lot.  You brought me through a lot of emotional pain, of which, a small amount remains.  I know you will heal me of it completely and I have been impatient about it.  I have been impatient about many things.

 Even my body has changed for the better.  I do see that my view of myself physically has not changed much especially when I see myself in pictures.  All I see is the fat and ugliness that remains. Lord, I don't' want to be like that.  I know that is perfectionism and a bit of fear of being vain.  FA told me long ago that my concern about what others think of me was vanity and I didn't see it because I was not so concerned with my outward appearance at the time.

Lord, help me understand where you are taking me.  I can barely believe it's taken this long to get this far.  That day you filled me with yourself changed my life and started all of this.  As I think about how long it's taken me to get this far, I think about FA.  I don't know for sure if he has been receiving the help he needs and if he has it's been less than a year.

As I look at myself and my progress and the fact that I sought out this help myself and I truly want to change and am willing to do what it takes, I understand that it will take him more time.  It's not all about me.  It never was.  It was about him getting help too.  And the promise was that the time would not come for a reconciliation until we were both healed.  So an encounter now would not be fruitful and I would be disappointed and probably lose ground with my progress.  Just like this diet and the chiropractic work, I need not to only reach my goal, but maintain it and be stabilized or I risk a relapse.

Lord, I see where you are leading me here.  I need to be more patient and quit thinking of a reconciliation.  He is not close to being ready even if I am, which I am not.  I need to trust your perfect timing on this.  This is my opportunity to practice patience and trust in you and myself.

Please give me the grace to do this right, Lord,

You already have it, now you must rely on your own free will to carry this out.  I promise if you do trust in me, all will be well and you will be happy with the results but you must be patient and wait on me.

This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me

Lord, save me from my own hypocricy

When the Pharisees with some scribes who had come from Jerusalem gathered around Jesus, they observed that some of his disciples ate their meals with unclean, that is, unwashed, hands.  (For the Pharisees and, in fact, all Jews, do not eat without carefully washing their hands, keeping the tradition of the elders.  And on coming from the marketplace they do not eat without purifying themselves.  And there are many other things that they have traditionally observed, the purification of cups and jugs and kettles and beds.)  So the Pharisees and scribes questioned him, "Why do your disciples not follow the tradition of the elders but instead eat a meal with unclean hands?"   He responded, "Well did Isaiah prophesy about you hypocrites, as it is written:

This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me; In vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines human precepts.

You disregard God's commandment but cling to human tradition."  He went on to say, "How well you have set aside the commandment of God in order to uphold your tradition!  For Moses said, Honor your father and your mother, and Whoever curses father or mother shall die.  Yet you say, 'If someone says to father or mother, "Any support you might have had from me is qorban"' (meaning, dedicated to God), you allow him to do nothing more for his father or mother.  You nullify the word of God in favor of your tradition that you have handed on.  And you do many such things."

This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me

Lord,
This is a hard one to accept or look at squarely in the face because I have been a hypocrite so many times when it has come to religion.  And my primary sin in this area has been against love of neighbor.
I have been self righteous following all the "rules" while I was looking at those around me judging them for not 'doing' the rules  I have shared the faith and stood up for life with animosity toward others.  I have refused specifically to pray for my enemy.   I have put myself above those "unfaithful" Catholics instead of loving them where they were and lovingly sharing your truth.  I have allowed anger to spew out of my mouth toward others that I deemed mislead about the faith.  I have cared more about being right than loving a person regardless of what they believe and gently leading them to you.  That alone has probably lead some farther from you.  Lord, I'm sure there is more, but this is a good start on how I've been a hypocrite and how I have not loved my neighbors.

Yes and you have confessed those things, received absolution and although you have not perfectly removed them from your life you have acknowledged a need to repair this fault and have made much progress just in these past months of 'enlightenment'.  You need to continue to be honest with yourself, make amends when you offend and let go, forgive yourself.

Lord, continue to help me and let me catch myself before I commit this grievous sin against love and my neighbor.

begged him that they might touch only the tassel on his cloak; and as many as touched it were healed

Lord, may I never let go of you

Matthew 6:53-56
After making the crossing to the other side of the sea, Jesus and his disciples came to land at Gennesaret and tied up there.  As they were leaving the boat, people immediately recognized him.  They scurried about the surrounding country  and began to bring in the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was.  Whatever villages or towns or countryside he entered, they laid the sick in the marketplaces and begged him that they might touch only the tassel on his cloak; and as many as touched it were healed.

begged him that they might touch only the tassel on his cloak; and as many as touched it were healed

Lord,
You healed these people without even touching them.  They reached out and touched you, not even your person but your clothing. (OK I see, second class relic)  As many as touched your clothing were healed.  They came after you, they followed you.  I wonder what happened after they were healed.  Were they changed?  Did they change their ways?  What makes so many people who have experienced your miracles, your gifts forget so quickly and go back to their old ways?

Doubt, ingratitude, the world's disbelief, their  intellect, their free will, all of those things and more

Lord, how do we hold on to it?

Faith, you have the gift of faith, all do, but they have to hold on to it.  You have to hold on to it.  There are many ways for it to wriggle out of your grasp.  To hold on to it, you must focus on me, persevere, persevere in what you know in your heart.  Hold tight because the world is struggling to loosen your hands on it and make you drop it.  They don't usually pull it away, they just struggle with you to loosen your grip and YOU will let it fall and when it does, you have a choice to pick it back up or to kick it around like society does.  You can talk yourself into anything and out of anything.  Ultimately it is your choice.  I give you many chances to pick it back up.   I never give up.  I persevere because you mean that much to me.  Ultimately all I want for you is to spend eternity with me in heaven, but that is in your hands as well.  Will you, can you hold on to that gift?  The devil works night and day to pry it out of your hands, but he can  only do what you allow him to do.

Hold fast to the faith, keep the gifts and miracles in the front of your mind, stay close to me.  Follow me as the crowds did.  I loved them and I love you.  Not one person do I want to lose.  I died for ALL.   I am stingy in that way.  I want all my children with me for eternity, including you....and J.

She will come around, but give her time.

he drove out many demons, not permitting them to speak because they knew him

do you want it in the head or the belly?

On leaving the synagogue Jesus entered the house of Simon and Andrew with James and John.  Simon's mother-in-law lay sick with a fever.  They immediately told him about her.  He approached, grasped her hand, and helped her up.  Then the fever left her and she waited on them.

When it was evening, after sunset, they brought to him all who were ill or possessed by demons.  The whole town was gathered at the door.  He cured many who were sick with various diseases, and he drove out many demons, not permitting them to speak because they knew him.  Rising very early before dawn, he left and went off to a deserted place, where he prayed.  Simon and those who were with him pursued him and on finding him said, "Everyone is looking for you."  He told them, "Let us go on to the nearby villages that I may preach there also.  For this purpose have I come."  So he went into their synagogues, preaching and driving out demons throughout the whole of Galilee.

he drove out many demons, not permitting them to speak because they knew him

Lord,
The demons knew you.  I don't quite understand your objection to being known to others.  The demons knew you because they were fallen angels but the people did not.  It seems that the demons could only bring more credibility to you.

This makes me think about the Susan G Komen and Planned Parenthood alliance.  The devil is working through both of thees organizations putting a pretty little facade out front for the world to see, fooling and lying to the world about their intentions all the while they are together killing more babies and women while they get rich.  Maybe Komen is the worse of the two because they are the most deceitful of the two.  For two days the veil that hid the darkness of their lies fell down in front of the world and your light shown there for a short time.  It is interesting how the devil instantly worked to put the veil back up.   Public excuses were made.  More lies were told to cover the lies that were revealed and as quickly as they could they replace the curtain, but the truth was out and many who knew the truth were given the credibility then have been working for to help move the fight for life forward.

Lord, we know that you are on the side of life and yet we struggle in this battle seeing so little progress on the grand scale, the national level where the power to continue the slaughter remains.

Lord, I know that you have the power to end it at any second.  You could reach your hand out and help this country to it's feet like you did with Simon's mother in law.

She had faith and a desire for healing.  This country does not.  This country is controlled by the demons.  It is not that different than the Israelites wandering in the desert, going from one idol to the next while the true God, the true living God who continuously shows up in times of need, is right in their midst.  Yes the good are perishing along with the bad.  That is the consequence of evil.  No one, no human is immune from it.  This evil is like a virus, spreading throughout the world, infecting and killing more and more people, my children, faster and faster as time goes on.  Free will, everyone has free will, the choice to choose good or evil.  And evil has been disguised to look so enticing, like the apple in the garden or the apple to Snow White, who was fooled by it's beauty and outward appearance of goodness.


Lord, what can we do.  It is so discouraging to continue to fight, not seeing results.

That SGK/PP ordeal was a glimpse of the fruits.  That was an example of a house divided and a spotlight showed some of it's ugliness for a time.  The public cannot forget what it saw even if they want to forget.  The truth is engraved on their memory which they can recall as more truth is revealed to them.  It is a catalyst for some and a nail the coffin to others who have previously been enlightened by people like you.  People who know the truth and are not afraid to share it.  See how fear works against you, against truth, against life and light?


Fear is pure evil from the evil one to stop the light from shining and he uses it in every area of your life.


You need to get back to the illumination.

When Jesus disembarked and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd

Lord, when, Lord?

Mark 6:30-34
The Apostles gathered together with Jesus and reported all they had done and taught.  He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while."   People were coming and going in great numbers, and they had no opportunity even to eat.  So they went off in the boat by themselves to a deserted place.  People saw them leaving and many came to know about it.  They hastened there on foot from all the towns and arrived at the place before them.
When Jesus disembarked and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things.

When Jesus disembarked and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd

Lord,
They were like sheep without a shepherd.   You saw how lost they were and even though you were tired, your compassion moved you to 'feed' them.

How long did I wander lost?  A long time.  So why do I grieve so much for her (my daughter)?  I believe she will return to you.  I actually have no doubt and there is not much that I have no doubt about.

Impatient, you said it in confession today.  You are impatient with me.  Your impatience gains you nothing.  It does not move me faster, it does not change circumstances.  It does not change facts or anything, but it does cause you anxiety and anguish and grief.   It steals your peace and joy.  If you know she'll be back and you know it will be the perfect timing, then why not hand it over to me completely and live in the present.  Life is passing you by as you are stuck in your head going around and around getting nowhere.

It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife

a sure way to stop human population

Mark 6:14-29
King Herod heard about Jesus, for his fame had become widespread, and people were saying, "John the Baptist has been raised from the dead; that is why mighty powers are at work in him."  Others were saying, "He is Elijah"; still others, "He is a prophet like any of the prophets."  But when Herod learned of it, he said, "It is John whom I beheaded. He has been raised up."
Herod was the one who had John arrested and bound in prison on account of Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip, whom he had married.  John had said to Herod, "It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife."  Herodias harbored a grudge against him and wanted to kill him but was unable to do so.  Herod feared John, knowing him to be a righteous and holy man, and kept him in custody.  When he heard him speak he was very much perplexed, yet he liked to listen to him.  Herodias had an opportunity one day when Herod, on his birthday, gave a banquet for his courtiers, his military officers, and the leading men of Galilee.  His own daughter came in and performed a dance that delighted Herod and his guests.  The king said to the girl, "Ask of me whatever you wish and I will grant it to you."  He even swore many things to her, "I will grant you whatever you ask of me, even to half of my kingdom."  She went out and said to her mother, "What shall I ask for?"  Her mother replied, "The head of John the Baptist."  The girl hurried back to the king's presence and made her request, "I want you to give me at once on a platter the head of John the Baptist."  The king was deeply distressed, but because of his oaths and the guests he did not wish to break his word to her.  So he promptly dispatched an executioner with orders to bring back his head.  He went off and beheaded him in the prison.  He brought in the head on a platter and gave it to the girl.  The girl in turn gave it to her mother. When his disciples heard about it, they came and took his body and laid it in a tomb.

It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife


Lord,,
It can be so difficult to speak the truth to someone who does not want to hear it.  That is exactly what I was thinking about on my way here this morning.

How do I tell C that sex outside of marriage is wrong for homosexuals and heterosexuals when she has already decided it is not, when she works to advance the gay agenda?  Might her response be that  that is why they should be allowed to marry and be committed to each other like any heterosexual person?  She has already told me they (her gay friends) are way better parents than their own parents were.  What do I say to her?  There is nothing I can say that will change her mind and I fear that anything I do say will only increase her judgement of me.  Lord, I don't want to get into a battle of wits.  I know the truth is on my side and the devil is working to the other side.

Plant seeds with love and confidence.  That's all you can do, along with prayer.  It is not your job to convince her or change her mind.  That is mine.  You just do your part.

Lord, what do I say that will not shut her down more to your truth?  I can already tell by her words that she believes she is the righteous one because she is tolerant and loving and accepting of the choices of others.  I believe she believes adultery is wrong, but what words can I use to make the correlation.  That is what started this conversation and even then she had her facts about what the Church teaches wrong.

All you can say is truth in love.  Do not expect an instant conversion and you will not be disappointed when it does not happen.  It often takes years to change a hardened heart and mind.  You know that.


Just plant seeds, someone else will come along to water and tend to them.  Do not be anxious.  Lower your expectations for instant results and be happy that you are willing to risk coming across in a way that she chooses to believe.  She has already bought the lie.  If you expect that she will come back with, "you are right.  I never thought of that" and thank you for enlightenment, you will surely be disappointed and afraid to speak the truth again.  Remember that perception has no automatic link to truth.  Truth is not subjective.  Truth is truth and like John the Baptist, you are called to speak it no matter the risk.

you yourself a sword will pierce

Luke 2:22-40
When the days were completed for their purification according to the law of Moses, Mary and Joseph took Jesus up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord, just as it is written in the law of the Lord, Every male that opens the womb shall be consecrated to the Lord, and to offer the sacrifice of a pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons, in accordance with the dictate in the law of the Lord.

Now there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon.  This man was righteous and devout, awaiting the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him.  It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he should not see death before he had seen the Christ of the Lord.  He came in the Spirit into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to perform the custom of the law in regard to him, he took him into his arms and blessed God, saying:

 "Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in the sight of all the peoples:  a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel."

The child's father and mother were amazed at what was said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, "Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted and you yourself a sword will pierce so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed."  There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher.  She was advanced in years, having lived seven years with her husband after her marriage, and then as a widow until she was eighty-four.  She never left the temple, but worshiped night and day with fasting and prayer.  And coming forward at that very time, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were awaiting the redemption of Jerusalem.

When they had fulfilled all the prescriptions of the law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee, to their own town of Nazareth.  The child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him.

 you yourself a sword will pierce 


Lord,
This is exactly what I was thinking of as I drove here this morning, the sword that pierces my heart.


You know how much I love her and how my heart aches when I think of her choice to reject you and your Church and all that she once embraced.  As I look back, I can see that it was in her head.  She knew the faith very well.  I know it is still there under all the selfish sin that she doesn't acknowledge.  It hurts me so deeply to see her in that state right now.  She will be coming home in a few weeks and I am not looking forward to it.  This is the first time time that I am not looking forward to seeing her.  My heart is not joyful, but filled with sorrow.  Lord help me to change this attitude and these feelings.

I have put distance between us, not consciously but I think out of self preservation.  Lord, help me fill the gap without intensifying the pain.  Help  me be joyful and not allow one minute with her to pass without me living in the present and enjoying it.  Help me accept every second with her as a gift from  you, the gift that it is, because I know it is a gift from you.  Please be with her and open her heart to hear you calling her back.  I know you are showing yourself  to her.  This puppy, the exact one she's been looking for, is a specific gift from you.  Help her see it, acknowledge it and accept it with thanksgiving to you.  Lord, what can I do?

Love her, love her right where she is.  If you want to be like me, you have to accept her where she is right now and show my love to her in your words, actions and attitude.  You have to be gentle.  She loves you and respect you and your faith in me.  She needs that role model, the one where you show her my love, your love without judgement.  Pure love, unconditional love is what will bring her back, that and your constant prayers.  Sacrifices won't do it.  Yes they help along with prayer, but to reach her heart, you must love her no matter what and continue to show her that love and be joyful about what you do have even thought she disappoints you...and me...and my mother, our mother who is with her protecting her every day.  She will come around but it will take more time.  Look how long it took you and those on earth were not praying for you like you are for her.