the Lord had shown his great mercy

Luke 1:57-66, 80

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the Lord had shown his great mercy

Lord, I want to trust, help me trust

Lord,
You have shown your mercy toward me over and over. You have sent people into my path to affirm your love and mercy. What do I do to accept it fully and love myself?


You are doing it slowly. Be patient. You want all these things as soon as you become aware of them. That is no different than praying for some material thing and not wanting to wait for it. I will give you what is good for you always. i am God, I know the timing. I know when something is good for you and I know when you are ready and when you are not. It is not a fault not to have it all. I do not expect perfection and neither does anyone else.


Fr L was right, this life is a journey. Please get that you give yourself the grief that you give yourself with you r impatience. I can do all things. But you have to do your part or there is no lesson and the value is diminished.


Lord, give me the grace.


You already have it. Just be patient and it will be yours. Rest in that promise the way you rest in my promise they way you rest in my promise with J. You have no control there and you have no control here. It is all in my hands. Trust my hands.


You hesitate when Fr L asked you if you trusted him. You have that same trust for me. You hesitate and have to think about it. One day you won't. It will become natural and immediate.


Fr L is the one I want you to work with to regain trust in my priests to overcome your fear.


Lord, that puts something like fear, but not exactly, it's something less intense than fear, into my heart. What if I am not hearing you right and I only get farther from the goal?


Trust is the key to all of this. You also must trust his words. Doubt is from the evil one. You know what you know. Stop second guessing it. If you are wrong, I will let you know. The evil one drives you crazy with doubt and fear. Don't let him. THAT is all in your hands, control that!

Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all

My servant

Matthew 6:24-34

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Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all....all these things will be given you besides


Lord,
You know everything. I know you know everything. Help me Lord,to remember this and trust that you will know my needs and provide for them.

Lord, my head tells me that all is for my good. Show me/tell me how these demons are for my good.

They will help you help others. That is what you are here for, to help others.

Was there on some other way, Lord?

Yes but this is the way I chose. It will make you more knowledgeable, more compassionate, more loving and understanding to those who need your help. I already told you this is a lesson and education that doesn't come from a book or a class. I want you to know what you are dealing with. The devil is very illusive. He is sneaky and can make you believe all kinds of lies. He can make you doubt yourself and me. He wants you to focus on all the little things because it keeps your eyes off me and it keeps you from noticing him. He is more free to prowl around without your awareness. The more hidden he is, the more damage he can do. That is why you must reject the lies. Be strong, don't forget. You will have the grace but you must resist the lies and when that whirlwind of negativity comes, you must resist and rebuke. That is the instant that makes the difference between life and death in the pit.

Lord, help me remember this when the darkness strikes.

And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be

I'm tired of being alone in this pit

Matthew 6:7-15

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Jesus said to his disciples: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

"The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be."


And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be

Lord,
There was complete darkness for so long. You brought it out and the light filled in the spaces it left.
Lord, they are trying to push your light out. I now know it's them. I was thinking taht they were undercover, deep below the surface but now that I have started to think they are gone, they are back the way they've always been. They are in there like worms crawling around, slithering around deep inthe crevices looking for a place to attack. And they find it but they slowly do their damage so they can sneak up on me. And before I know it, they are there with their friends, shouting in my head, telling me lies and making me doubt.

Lord, you've shined your light on them and they are in shock. Your blaring light shocks them. Lord, chase them away. I want to be inside my head with only you and only me.

I know you placed mania in my path to guide me.

Lord, help me hear your voice. Lord, drown out their voices with yous. Remind me when I forget aht I have the power through you.

My God, fill me wiht your love. Help me know and feel and be confident with no doubts in you and your love.

lead us not into temptation

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Lord, let me know when

Thursday June 21
 Matthew 6:7-15

 
 lead us not into temptation

Lord,

I'm sitting here wondering what's up with these demons. They have calmed down. It's like they aren't even here anymore.

They want you to think they are gone and forget about them. They are hiding. The deliverance prayers are what agitate them. They are hiding. Do not let them fool you.

Lord, what do I do?

Just wait and be patient. Their time will come.

I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm tired of it.

I know you are and they're counting on it.

Lord, I feel like you are moving to Fr L for confession. He is kind of tough. I'm not sure I trust him yet. I'll have to see how he is with mercy and compassion. I need someone who will make me accountable but who will also show mercy, love and forgiveness, not his but yours.

Fr M has been gentle but maybe I'm ready to move to someone who will also help me address the areas I need to improve on. I think he can and will but I have to be ready. I still have some fear. So I'll wait and not be rash.

Lord, let me know when it's time to change.

love your enemies

Help me let go

Matthew 5:43-48

click here for gospel reading

love your enemies

Lord,

How do I love my enemy? Who are my enemies? C? I don't feel like I consider her an enemy but I am afraid to be around her.

Lord, show me who my enemies are. There are those I don't like or am uncomfortable around. As I think of it, its out of not feeling good enough or fear that they look down on me. Lord, how do I over come this. He, Fr L says it's pride and I believe it. I understand it but how do I get rid of it?

Keep praying and rejecting it. I will take care of you. i am here . I am always here. Trust me and believe me and accept me, accept my love. Trust me. Give me control. You know you don't have control and that makes you try harder. He's right let go. Letting go is the only way to find peace. I will help you.

Lord, I am tired

Just let me rest awhile

Lord, I am tired.  I am tired of the work involved in getting better.  At this point I wonder if I will ever really get better.  OK, I am better but I want to heal in a way that does not make me feel crazy or worthless or all the other things I carry around.  Now this dealing with the demons is the cherry on top, more like sour grape.

You have allowed these things to surface, but why?

Is's part of your healing.  A necessary part of your healing.  The pain and consequences of the evil that was around and done to you didn't happen in a few short years.  You have been dealing with abuse from your conception through that of FA, two years ago.  That is almost 50 years.  That is a lifetime, at least yours up to now.  Two years is a drop.  But you are going  through it in fast forward.  It is a journey that will take the rest of your life.  Slow down and enjoy the journey.  Don't fret that you are not as far along as you want to be.  You are as far along as I want you to be.  You have to stop and rest on any journey, especially a long one.


You can take another route but you cannot change what you come across on the route you choose.  And when you get lost, you can always find your way back.  I am your GPS.  Just turn to me.


Your anxiety at reaching your destination takes your attention away from the beautiful sights along the way.  The demons are just rocks in your path along the way.  You will soon pass them and find a smooth path for a time.  Don't stop now.  You have come a long way.  Rest but don't stop and don't let anyone convince you to stop.  That is the devil working through whomever or whatever he can to stop you and hold you captive.  Keep going.  You are getting there.  You just don't see it because all you are looking at is the road.

He explained everything in private

Speak to me Lord so I know it's you

Mk 4:26-34

Jesus said to the crowds: "This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day and through it all the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how. Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. And when the grain is ripe, he wields the sickle at once, for the harvest has come."

He said, "To what shall we compare the kingdom of God, or what parable can we use for it? It is like a mustard seed that, when it is sown in the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on the earth. But once it is sown, it springs up and becomes the largest of plants and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the sky can dwell in its shade." With many such parables he spoke the word to them as they were able to understand it. Without parables he did not speak to them, but to his own disciples he explained everything in private.

He explained everything in private

Lord,

You talk to me in private, yet I still doubt. I don't want to doubt. Lord, I want to know what is you and what is not.

Use your feelings. The evil one stings, you know that. Separate that, then remember I only speak in love. If there is no sting and it is not loving it is you. Trust what you know.

What if I am telling myself what I want to hear?

You don't. You speak negatively to yourself. At least now you do.

Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety

No where to turn but to God 

Lk 2:41-51

Each year Jesus' parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed its days, as they were returning,
the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him in the temple,
sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart.

Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety

Lord,

I can only imagine the anxiety of Mary and Joseph. To lose their son. The Son of God! Lord it happens every day in our society but the people today 'lose' you by choice. They abandon you, live lives filled with sin and do not see anything wrong with it. Yes we the faithful ones also live in sin but we know we are and we regret it, repent, ask forgiveness and in your unconditional love and mercy, forgive us.

What would it take to bring those who've left back to you and your Church?

It often takes tragedy, hitting the bottom, having no one else to turn to or an awakening which often comes from the faithful, their example and their love.

Lord, I love you more than anything and I want that for others,k especially those I love.

All you can do is live the faith, pray for them, love them and use teachable moments to share the truth. That is sufficient.

Jesus, help me be the example you want me to be.

Stay on the path you are on and wait on me. Patience will save you much heart ache.

Blood and water flowed out

You have been washed in my blood

Jn 19:31-37Since it was preparation day, in order that the bodies might not remain on the cross on the sabbath, for the sabbath day of that week was a solemn one, the Jews asked Pilate that their legs be broken and they be taken down. So the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first and then of the other one who was crucified with Jesus. But when they came to Jesus and saw that he was already dead, they did not break his legs, but one soldier thrust his lance into his side, and immediately blood and water flowed out. An eyewitness has testified, and his testimony is true; he knows that he is speaking the truth, so that you also may come to believe. For this happened so that the Scripture passage might be fulfilled: Not a bone of it will be broken. And again another passage says: They will look upon him whom they have pierced.


Blood and water flowed out

Lord

Lead me. What are you saying to me? Blood and water flowed?

You have been washed in my blood. Your love for me is pure. Let me love you. Accept my blood, accept my love. Open your heart to receive me and allow me to heal you. Trust me more fully. Your head knows I have a plan, that I will not hurt you. I will not allow you to suffer anything you cannot handle. All the suffering makes you stronger and brings you closer to my heart and to your mission.

Lord, I do not understand why you allowed these demons to surface if you were not going to release them.

They are making you stronger. They are making you trust me more. There is nothing they can do to you that will not bring you closer to me. The more you suffer, the more you know your need for me and the more you will reach out to me. The more you reach out to me the more you trust me. The ore you trust me, the more you allow me to love you and the more you love me.

I want you to concentrate on accepting my love. Meditate on it. Let it penetrate your mind and then your heart. You want Joy in your life but you keep it at an arms length. You fear the price you will have to pay for that joy. I have already paid that price. It is free to you. There are no strings attached. You are judging me by human standard.
You have to open up and accept the reality of the unseen world and the impossible or what you believe to be impossible. You say I can do anything but you do not expect it. You have to think out of the box. Do not put limits on me. There is nothing I cannot do and nothing I would not do for my children, for you. Everything I do in your life is for your sanctification. Everything I allow in your life is also for your sanctification. You must believe that especially when you are under attack.


Lord, help me remember when I need it the most.

Your brother has anything against you

Please forgive me

Mt 5:20-26

Jesus said to his disciples: "I tell you, unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter into the Kingdom of heaven.

"You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, 'Raqa,' will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, "You fool," will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny."

Your brother has anything against you

Lord,

What?

Make yourself humble, accept responsibility for your part, be it now or 20 - 30 years ago. I am asking you to humble yourself. Lay it out there. I am not asking you to accept abuse. I have done that . Make yourself vulnerable. Satan hates humility. The demon indie of her will recoil with your self sacrifice and humility. I do not want you to hurt. I will protect you. I will be with you and I will be with her. There is a depth of personal sanctity that can only be reached through humility. Lay it all down, bear your soul for her, your love of her and your desire for her deliverance. I will protect you. I would not ask this of you if I did not know you can do it and that is will be healing for you and for her. She is lost in self-hatred that she masks as justifiable anger for her victimization by you. She has daggers in her eyes that she cannot see through. Only your love and humility can take them away. You have this power. I am giving it to you for your sanctification and hers. She cannot begin to heal on her own. She has too much anger and hatred bottled up inside her. You are not really the target. I am. Her hatred for me is projected on to you. She feels victimized by me and it is easier for her to justify her anger toward you. It is not your responsibility to heal her. It is mine, but you are a tool in my hand. She could be lost without your help. You want to lead people to me. You know they will not all follow. You know that there will be pain and rejection involved. But you also know there is grace sufficient to see you through it and to the other side. This relationship binds you and keeps you from peace. It doesn't matter who's right t and who's wrong. It is a matter of eternal salvation. You can make this small sacrifice for hers.

Jesus you are asking a lot. You know my fear.

This will not only help her, but it will help you.

I have come not to abolish but to fulfill

Mt 5:17-19

Nothing happens without God's permission

Jesus said to his disciples:  "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets.  I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.  Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or the smallest part of a letter will pass from the law, until all things have taken place.  Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the Kingdom of heaven.  But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the Kingdom of heaven."

 I have come not to abolish but to fulfill

Lord,

I believe that you have it all under control  You know what your plan is for all of us and for the world.  Lord, help me have the faith in the times of darkness that you are here, you are in charge and you are the Lord of all.

Lord, help me let go of any anxiety over any and all of this.  I know you are in charge over all the angels, good and bad.  I know they have no power that you do not give them.

Just lead me, Lord.  I am lost without you and your guidance.

Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father

Mt 5:13-16

Lord, don't leave me

Jesus said to his disciples: "You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lamp stand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."

Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father

Lord,
I see where I am failing to be that light. I am not making living in the light look easy or simple. My example is showing others how much time I give you. Maybe that turns them away because they do not believe they can do it. Maybe it seems to them that it is too much. May it is too much for other. I realize my radical lifestyle. D thinks that all that has happened over the last two years is normal. If that is true, why don't I know people who've had experiences like this in such a short time? If having demons is normal, why don't I know people who have the or who have had them? It does seem that I have been focused on the downside of all of this. I have been. I have been vain or prideful, wanting to be special or different but at the same time not wanting to be alone and to stand out. I am trying to figure this out But I don't want to scrutinize it anymore. there is an unseen world that I have 'dipped' into and I have to accept that it is real and that it doesn't matter if anyone else believes it or not. That need or desire to be believed has caused me to feel insane or fear insanity or to fear others peoples'judgement of being insane. Lord, these things (demons) work every angle.
Part of me thinks maybe I should write a book. But what value would it have other than entertainment. Unless there are others like me. It could be annoying but how would that enable me to minister to others if I am alone in all of this? There would be no others.
You are not alone. You are separated.
The more I think about this, the more it seems like a science fiction book. It is true. I am hanging on to you like a child hands on to a parent in a crowd out of fear of becoming lost and left alone among strangers. Lord, that is a terrifying fear. Lord, calm that fear and help me trust you and help me slow down the rushing pushing crowd so I can breathe freely and find the peace in knowing you are in front of me, behind me and all around me.

Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Mt 5:1-12

Let go, I won't leave you

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. He began to teach them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Lord,

I have no clue if this is what you want from me, to suffer with this mental anguish. Father L says maybe it is. B says it is not. They have got me confused and I know that is not from you so which one is right?

They both are. I want to heal you, but not yet. You must be patient. There are lessons to learn here.

Lord, What lessons?

Trust me, my providence, my love, my ability to bring good out of it all. Every struggle, difficult time you go through gives you more knowledge experience, sympathy, empathy and understanding of how to help others. When you come through this, you will have an education, one that you cannot find in a book or class. I am with you. I need you to let go of the tight desperate hold you have on to me. The hold that is hanging on out of fear and anxiety. I want you to ease up and relax and let go and trust that I am with you. that I am not going anywhere. I need you to let go of the anxiety so you can feel my presence my calm, peace and you will have the assurance that I am with you if you falter. But you must falter to gain that trust you must know that you cannot do it alone to know that I am here and that you need me and that I will not leave you. I will not abandon you, but I do want you to let go of me so you can have freedom. Your hold on me is so tight and desperate. It is not a loving hold but one filled with fear. I do not want fear for you. I want peace and confidence. I want you to have confidence in yourself and in me and in my promise to you to be with you. Your grip is out of fear of losing me. You don't want to let go because you fear abandonment. They all abandoned you, but I never will.

Take it; this is my body

Take it; this is my body 

Mark 14:12-16, 22-26

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Take it; this is my body

Lord,

This is the single most important thing you left us when you left. I'm not sure how my love for you in the Eucharist began. maybe it was all the long hours I sat with you in adoration gazing at you, talking to you, listening to you. I have no doubt that you are there in that tiny piece of bread and wine.

I want to be able to share this love with others. I believe it is what you want as well. Lord help me share your truth. Lord, put people in my path that are open to that truth. Everyone needs to know abut your real presence. Everyone needs to have the opportunity to receive you into themselfves in this real way that gives life to their souls

I know that there is nothing more precious on the earth than your presence in the Eucharist. What do I do to share?

What you are already doing. Finish the show, so you can share it and open hearts to my truth.

Lord, I need your help to get it done. I need your help in every step of the process. Please motivate B and help him get the knowledge he needs to accomplish what we need. I cannot do it without you and without him.

Please guide my words and my actions, Lord

You know I will.

Stop the spinning

Mark 12:38-44

click here for reading

Lord,
I must trust in your providence.  I wan to let it allgo and trust you completely

A good place to start is with this (demons)  Trust me.  All this time I have put the right people in your life at the right time.  Fr A was like being on a treadmill that went in a circle and met itself.  You stayed on it and went around and around and when you were not walking on it, it was still taking you around and around.  You stepped off and you mind was still going although not as bad.   And when it stopped you were disoriented.  Now it is gone.  You settled and you are dealing with what was stirred up.  The demons have always been there hiding, lying to you.  Now you know and you don't have to listen.  You are finally learning to rebuke them and send them away.   You are learning to discern something you've been praying for for a long time.


Patience is also something you have been praying for and it will be given when the time is right.


Stay strong and renounce the lies.

Are you not misled because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God

Make them go away

Mark 12:18-27

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Are you not misled because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God

Lord,
I have a long way to go on knowing the scriptures.  Your power is what I so  often forget about.

Yesterday I was completely consumed by the swarm of evil spirits that attacked and attacked relentlessly.  I forgot about the power you have given me.  I forgot that with you I am made strong, with you I can defeat them and have the freedom I desire so much.

But it didn't last, not after I remembered the tool of rebuking them in your name.  Your name sent them to flight, your name scared them away and I felt a calmness that contrasted with what I was feeling before like a bright light in complete darkness.  I was then able to step back and see their lies.  I was able to thank more clearly and I was able to feel your presence.  I could feel your arms around me gently rocking me, consoling me, holding me tightly, making me feel secure.   It was like the calm after the storm, only there was no devastation left behind.  Lord you saved me, but I had to ask and allow you to save me.  Thank you Lord, for rescuing me.  Lord help me remember as soon as they strike the next time.  I know there will be a next time.  Help me learn the scriptures so I can fight them with the sword you've given me.

Oh my God, thank you. I love you.  Save me, Lord

you are not concerned with anyone's opinion

Mark 12:13-17

and I mean it!!

click for reading

you are not concerned with anyone's opinion

Lord,

I struggle with this to the point of making myself sick.  My brain is torn down the middle.  Are you trying to help me overcome this?

Yes

It hurts so much Lord, I don't know if I am crazy or have demons

That is what they want. You are playing into their hands. Be strong.

How can I be strong when I don't know whats real?

Your voice right now could be theirs or even my own skewed thoughts.

You are telling me you are real, reminding me of your silence when I doubted before.  You don't want to go silent now because it would push me over the edge.  Thank you Lord, I believe that is true.  Why are you letting them torment me like this?

To make you stronger.  They are fighting to maintain their territory.  If you don't kick them out, they have permission to stay.  If you don't believe they are real you won't kick them out.  So they are pulling out out all their guns.  this is their grand finale.  Their battle.  If they win this one, you are theirs.  If you win,k they leave.  What is Satan's best lie to humanity?  That he doesn't exist.  You are falling into that trap right now.

Lord, what if I am wrong and I am doing this for attention and they are not real?

If you were doing it for attention, you would know and you wouldn't be revealing it to others the way you are.

But maybe that is a subconscious thing that I am not aware of.

You are not a liar.  Lying like that is not in you.  Believing lies like that is you.

They were seeking to arrest him

Please bring peace of mind

Mark 12:1-12

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They were seeking to arrest him, but they feared the crowd, for they realized that he had addressed the parable to them. So they left him and went away.

Lord,

I see this is the devil working through them.  He fears being discovered and thrown out himself so he goes away for the time being.

Lord, I know that at any point you could have thrown them out, but you chose not to.  You had your reason then and you have your reason now.

Lord, I want to be rid of them but there is something inside me that says I don't.  There is something inside me that says, "who will I be without them?  I will not have them to blame for bad behavior.  But there is something else that says, "what bad behavior?"  Yes  I have removed mortal sin.  I work hard on being free of all sin.  In fact to the contrary.  I believe the scrupulosity was from them.  It kept me in constant turmoil.  There is something holding on.  I feel it.  It is telling me I am special because of them.  They bring me attention.

I know all of this is skewed thinking.  I know its not true, just like so many other lies, yet it keeps me from completely letting go.  It keeps me trying to control myself in a way that seems to maintain them.  Part of me, a large part of my brain tells me that my self control is like a corral that keeps them all trapped and contained.  Yes they are held in an area that keeps them all together where I can keep my eye on them but they are still  there and they need to be dispersed.  They are contained in a small area slamming into each other, creating havoc, making a mess within the corral, tearing it up, beating each other up, smashing into the fence that holds them in, smashing it beating it putting pressure on it, watching it buckle and crack, stretching it hear and there pressing it just to the point of breaking it, yet not breaking it.

Lord, that is my back.  The pain is like pressured knots and spasms causing me to contort myself trying to relieve the pain.  Lord, please release them, release me. Help me release them.