go first and be reconciled with your brother

Matthew 5:20-26

Lord, give me the patience to heal and reconcile

Jesus said to his disciples:  "I tell you,  unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter into the Kingdom of heaven."    "You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.  But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, Raqa,  will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, 'You fool,' will be liable to fiery Gehenna.  Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court.  Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison.  Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny."

go first and be reconciled with your brother

Lord,
You have put that desire on my heart and I have made much progress, but the list continues to be added to.  It is not as intense or deeply felt the way it once was, but it continues to exist.  There is that one relationship  that I desire a reconciliation with that has not happened but it is not in my hands.  It is in yours and he has to have the same desire, which I don't believe he has.  You have assured me that one day it will be healed and it will no longer hurt the way it still does.  And I believe you but I am still impatient.  I have not let it go completely.  I still want to control it.  I still want to manipulate a reconciliation even though you have shown me over and over that I cannot.  You have done this in the same way with J.  You have assured me that she will be back but I have been impatient and that impatience is what hurts me.  That impatience is a lack of trust and faith in you.

Lord, I want  to let go of that lack of faith and impatience.  I want to feel the freedom that I know it will give me and yet I hold on.  It doesn't even make sense .  You have given me your word and I have not fully accepted it.  And in not accepting it and embracing it, I have made my own misery.

Lord, give me the grace to overcome this stupidity.

You already have it, but you have to use it.  I cannot do any more.  The rest is up to you.