His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Matthew 28:8-15

We're in the battle like it or not

Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went away quickly from the tomb, fearful yet overjoyed, and ran to announce the news to his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them on their way and greeted them. They approached, embraced his feet, and did him homage. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me."

While they were going, some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had happened.
The chief priests assembled with the elders and took counsel; then they gave a large sum of money to the soldiers, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep.'
And if this gets to the ears of the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." The soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day.


His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Lord,

I feel the devil all over this current situation that I have found myself in.  I see that I am in full blown spiritual warfare and I do not know why.  I have not felt this kind of attack since I joined the pro life.  Lord, the only fear I have is for the attack on J1 and J2. J1 is strong and faithful but she is constantly surrounded by evil and her hands are tied when it comes to overtly bringing you to others.

J2 was faithful back when these attacks came before.  Lord she lives in sin and has been brainwashed into rejecting you.  Lord, please protect them.

I did before and I will again.  I have a special plan for you and the evil one does not like it.  Fr P first clued you in and now you are aware and that has taken some of his (devil) power away.  That has made him angry and he is raging.  That rage came through C yesterday.  She is a vessel  he has used before.  Be aware it is him working through her.  Now even more of his plan has been uncovered and like her he is even more angry because you have kept up the battle.  J1 is right.  You are a target in your family because you are the only one willing to stand up and do battle with him.  This is why I've been strengthening you.  This battle has been brewing your entiere life.  If he can convince you that it's you and not them, he has won another battle and he has you out of his way.

I have worked to strengthen you for this battle and you must stand strong and do battle and remember what and who you are fighting for.  He will try to attack you on every front.  B is playing into his hands as well.  J is strong in her faith and she knows him as well and he does not like that you have an advocate in her.  Fr A is part of the plan as well.  That has given you another kind of strength.  You have to be careful about who you trust.  He (devil) will work through weak souls.

A is young and naive and inexperienced  She believes but does not understand the depth and power of the devil yet.  Be careful because he will use that against you as well.  You can see he already has.  He will try to use J, but will not be successful.  I am not trying to scare you or make you mistrust those around you, but I want you to be aware.  That demon thing was part of the plan

His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Matthew 28:8-15

Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went away quickly from the tomb, fearful yet overjoyed, and ran to announce the news to his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them on their way and greeted them. They approached, embraced his feet, and did him homage. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me."

While they were going, some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had happened.
The chief priests assembled with the elders and took counsel; then they gave a large sum of money to the soldiers, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep.'
And if this gets to the ears of the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." The soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day.


His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep...And this story has circulated among the Jews to the present day

Lord,

I feel the devil all over this current situation that I have found myself in.  I see that I am in full blown spiritual warfare and I do not know why.  I have not felt this kind of attack since I joined the pro life.  Lord, the only fear I have is for the attack on J1 and J2. J1 is strong and faithful but she is constantly surrounded by evil and her hands are tied when it comes to overtly bringing you to others.

J2 was faithful back when these attacks came before.  Lord she lives in sin and has been brainwashed into rejecting you.  Lord, please protect them.

I did before and I will again.  I have a special plan for you and the evil one does not like it.  Fr P first clued you in and now you are aware and that has taken some of his (devil) power away.  That has made him angry and he is raging.  That rage came through C yesterday.  She is a vessel  he has used before.  Be aware it is him working through her.  Now even more of his plan has been uncovered and like her he is even more angry because you have kept up the battle.  J1 is right.  You are a target in your family because you are the only one willing to stand up and do battle with him.  This is why I've been strengthening you.  This battle has been brewing your entiere life.  If he can convince you that it's you and not them, he has won another battle and he has you out of his way.

I have worked to strengthen you for this battle and you must stand strong and do battle and remember what and who you are fighting for.  He will try to attack you on every front.  B is playing into his hands as well.  J is strong in her faith and she knows him as well and he does not like that you have an advocate in her.  Fr A is part of the plan as well.  That has given you another kind of strength.  You have to be careful about who you trust.  He (devil) will work through weak souls.

A is young and naive and inexperienced  She believes but does not understand the depth and power of the devil yet.  Be careful because he will use that against you as well.  You can see he already has.  He will try to use J, but will not be successful.  I am not trying to scare you or make you mistrust those around you, but I want you to be aware.  That demon thing was part of the plan

John 18:1-19:42

Lord,

How could you love me this much, to suffer so much and to do it willingly so that I can live with you in eternity?  How can you love me after all the things I have done to hurt you?  How can you love me after all the ways I have not loved others?  It is unfathomable to me.  It is so contrary to human reason and nature, yet you loved me.   You love me any way and in spite of it all.

Lord, I am so unworthy.  J just flashed through my head.  I love her so much, but it’s nothing in comparison to how much you love her.  She has openly and unashamedly rejected you and abandoned you and you still love her more than I do.  You love her more than I do.  You love her more than me, the one who carried her in my womb, more than I who held her and loved her and continue to love her.  Lord, I thank you for continuing to love and to love her.  What can I do to help  you help her to come home to you?

You are doing it.  Just pray and I will do the rest.  Be patient and don’t lose hope, even when you don’t see the fruits.  Our Mother, The Mother never lost hope or faith while she watched her only innocent son’s torture and murder.  She trusted my word and she knew I would deliver on that word and you must too.

You must not let anything separate you from that faith, hope and love.  You must not every give up.  Pray for her and pray for E’s mom to return to my Church.  She prays and loves but she has lost hope.  She has given up in the depths of her heart.  She needs me, she needs my sacraments to strengthen her and renew her faith.  Just pray for her.  She is ignorant of what my Church has for her and she must come back to ease her pain.  Pray for her return when you pray for them.

Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me

Lord, Shine your Light through me

John 13:1-15

Before the feast of Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to pass from this world to the Father.  He loved his own in the world and he loved them to the end.  The devil had already induced Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot, to hand him over.  So, during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments.  He took a towel and tied it around his waist.  Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and dry them with the towel around his waist.  He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Master, are you going to wash my feet?"  Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later."  Peter said to him, "You will never wash my feet."  Jesus answered him, "Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me."  Simon Peter said to him, "Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well."  Jesus said to him, "Whoever has bathed has no need except to have his feet washed, for he is clean all over; so you are clean, but not all."  For he knew who would betray him; for this reason, he said, "Not all of you are clean."  So when he had washed their feet and put his garments back on and reclined at table again, he said to them, "Do you realize what I have done for you?  You call me 'teacher' and 'master,' and rightly so, for indeed I am.  If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another's feet.  I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do."

Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me

Lord,

I have this fear of pride.  It seems to pop up everywhere.  It seems impossible to rid myself of it.

Pride is universal.  You cannot rid yourself of it completely but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to work on it.  Always work on it but do not eat yourself up and hold on to shame.  Ask for forgiveness and receive it and don’t look back.  You are clean and free.   Allow yourself to live in that freedom.

I love you and I want that for you. How can you share the gospel if others don’t see the light shining in you and through you?  The darkness is gone.  It is time to live solely in the light, My Light. 

Lord, fill me with your Light and help me keep it in the front of my mind and pouring your light out to others.

woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed

Lord, You have kept your promise to me.  I am healed!

Matthew 26:14-25

One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?"  They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over.

On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover?"  He said, "Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, 'The teacher says, "My appointed time draws near; in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples."'"  The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered, and prepared the Passover.

When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve.  And while they were eating, he said, "Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me."  Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, "Surely it is not I, Lord?"  He said in reply, "He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me.  The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed.  It would be better for that man if he had never been born."  Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?"  He answered, "You have said so."

woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed

Lord,

Nothing comes to mind.  I’m siting trying to meditate.  What are you saying?

Betrayal,  Betrayal can come from anyone.

Lord, it is still so hard to believe all that has happened in these past two years.  Your descent upon me was the most amazing thing that I never could have imagined.  That is what started this ball rolling.  That is what triggers my erratic behavior. That is why he betrayed me, why he flipped out and tore me up and later dumped me without any real reason or giving me a change to work through it.  Had he not acted similarly toward K, I would have believed it was all my fault.

Lord, you supplied all I needed to get through that nightmare.

Seeing him last night, I felt sad, sad for him, sad that he is in so much pain and is suffering so much.  I could see it and I could feel it.  He was like a completely different person.  It is amazing to see that bubbly, engaging joyful or at least happy man in so much pain.  It seems that  he has gone from a butterfly into a caterpillar trying to weave a cocoon quickly in order to hide form all that want his attention and all that he has hurt and cannot face, all those he cannot dare to encounter.  It looks to me like he has drug out some crap, he has found the darkness that he’s been hiding all these decades.  Maybe that was a confirmation to me that maybe his is getting help and that what I did was not in vain.  I still believe it was you leading me with the comments and the visit to FK. You’ve been telling me to trust myself so I will and I am. Please stay close to me and help me discern and then trust what I discern.

I will lay down my life for you… the cock will not crow before you deny me three times

John 13:21-33, 36-38

Lord, it's all about YOU!!!

Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified, "Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me."  The disciples looked at one another, at a loss as to whom he meant.  One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved, was reclining at Jesus' side.  So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant.  He leaned back against Jesus' chest and said to him, "Master, who is it?"  Jesus answered, "It is the one to whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it."  So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot.  After Judas took the morsel, Satan entered him.  So Jesus said to him, "What you are going to do, do quickly."  Now none of those reclining at table realized why he said this to him.  Some thought that since Judas kept the money bag, Jesus had told him, "Buy what we need for the feast," or to give something to the poor.  So Judas took the morsel and left at once. And it was night.

When he had left, Jesus said, "Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him.  If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself, and he will glorify him at once.  My children, I will be with you only a little while longer.  You will look for me, and as I told the Jews, 'Where I go you cannot come,' so now I say it to you."

Simon Peter said to him, "Master, where are you going?"  Jesus answered him, "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now, though you will follow later."  Peter said to him, "Master, why can I not follow you now?  I will lay down my life for you."  Jesus answered, "Will you lay down your life for me?  Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock will not crow before you deny me three times."

I will lay down my life for you… the cock will not crow before you deny me three times

Lord,

I have believed I would willingly die for you but I also know my weaknesses and so do you.  I can say that now, but I have not been tested.  And my gut tells me I am only fooling myself.

Don’t worry or even think about it.  You will not be tested in that way but you are laying your life down for me every time you stand up for me when it hurts or is uncomfortable or when you stand up at opposition.  When you are dying to self, you are dying for me.  You are doing it a little at a time each day.  I know what you are capable of and I will not test you beyond your boundaries.  I love you and I want your love. I am God and I know what you have to give.  Do not fear me asking more from you than you have to give.  Every day your boundaries are stretching.  You can do things today that you could not do last week or last month.  You are become stronger and more enlightened every day.  Be patient with yourself and do not expect more than I do.

You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.

After the pain comes the Joy!

John 12:1-11

Six days before Passover Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead.  They gave a dinner for him there, and Martha served, while Lazarus was one of those reclining at table with him.  Mary took a liter of costly perfumed oil made from genuine aromatic nard and anointed the feet of Jesus and dried them with her hair; the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil.  Then Judas the Iscariot, one of his disciples, and the one who would betray him, said, "Why was this oil not sold for three hundred days' wages and given to the poor?"  He said this not because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief and held the money bag and used to steal the contributions.  So Jesus said, "Leave her alone.  Let her keep this for the day of my burial.  You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me."

The large crowd of the Jews found out that he was there and came, not only because of him, but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead.  And the chief priests plotted to kill Lazarus too, because many of the Jews were turning away and believing in Jesus because of him.

You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.

Lord,

They will always have the poor but they will not always have you.  I understand what that means to them, but Lord, what does that mean to me?  Lord, you are with me always.  Maybe it means you must come first above all, including the poor. 

Yes, that right but there’s more. 

Lord, what else?  I don’t understand.

It gave her great pleasure to be at your feet, to be there serving you, loving you in the flesh.  I can only imagine the ecstasy of being that close to you, to touch you, being close enough to dry your feet with my hair, even the thought of it fills my heart with desire.  Lord, thinking about it and not being able to be there fills my heart with sadness and a longing, a desire that is pulling me away from this world.  But I am stuck here in this world, so the grief is even more intense because I cannot be with you.  My heart aches just thinking about it.  It seems that it would be better not to have that and then it be taken away.

Yes, but it gives you something to strive for.  It sets a goal that can be achieved, not in this world but the next.

Lord, how does this have anything to do with the situation I find myself in?

If you do what you are thinking of doing, it will deprive him of an opportunity to grow, to give, to get out of his selfishness.  Your idea is an easy way out.  A drug to take away the pain, yet keep you in the problem.  Your pain is self-sacrifice for him.  Eventually he will have to look at himself if he is to advance spiritually.

He is that rock with gel oozing out but does not flow.  If he weren’t a rock, you could squeeze it out, but you have several choices.  Or can put it on the shelf in a dark closet and shut the door, which is what you are proposing.  You can smash it with a hammer like a coconut or you can slowly pry it open.  And yes you have to be the proactive one in all of these choices.  He is happy to sit in one place and not move so there is no discomfort of change.  The last two options are going to involve pain for him but they are also going to allow the fester in wounds deep inside of him to come into the light be cleansed out and heal.

Right now it is like he has a wound, a cancer that he does not know he has and he doesn’t want to know.  He is under the impression that not knowing means it doesn’t exist.  That is denial and all it does is prolong the healing and allow the cancer to continue to grow.

The treatment is not without cost and pain and fear, which is not from me, is keeping his head in the sand  That fear is tightly surrounding him like a black, thick fog that keeps him form seeing beyond it.  It is like he is in the safety of the womb.  But even that place becomes toxic if the baby is not delivered and it stays in there too long.

There is a time for birth but before birth comes the labor pains.  They all vary in length and intensity and you may not have much control over them but there are ways to minimize the suffering for the mother, but the baby is still under great pressure and the tightness of what used to be safe and comfortable has now become a place of pain and the child must go down the dark tunnel to see the light.  It must pass through it or it will die.

And he must pass through it as well if he wants to live, live the life he was made for.  You are there to help him.  You must coax him out, you must be there to help him adjust to the light and all the new things that have come into his awareness.  You are there to help guide him until he is used to the light and has matured enough to make it on his own out there.

What a responsibly, Lord,

You said you wanted to follow my will and that you would do what is necessary to achieve it.  You said you would accept the pain of it.  This is your opportunity.

It is not moving mountains but saving a soul.  One you proclaim to love.

OMG, What weird and difficult things you ask me to do.

If it were simple I wouldn’t need you.  You are my hands and feet and mouth on earth.

Palm Sunday

If you can forgive Peter, You can forgive me

Mark 14:1-15:47

Lord,

Even though Peter knows ahead of time that he would deny Christ, it seems that he would be extra vigilant and prepared not to.  But in the midst of all that was going on, he forgot and he fell.  He did exactly what he said he would not and exactly what he did not want to do.  He failed Jesus out of fear.  He thought first of himself.  He was not remembering his words or the words of yours.  In the mayhem of it all, he fell.  He failed Jesus in a big way and when he realized it he was shaken and guilty.  He knew what he had done and was ashamed and grieved at his own behavior.

Lord, I never thought of this when I have failed.  I never have looked at these men who are perfect in heaven now, as humans who were just like me in so many ways.  I have failed you in so many ways.  Ways I never thought I would, ways I did not want to.  Ways I had resolved not to, and yet I did exactly what I did not want to do.

And you are always patient, loving, compassionate and forgiving to me.  You do remind me but it is always in a gentle loving way.  You are never angry and hateful the way I often am.

Lord, help me be more like you when others fail.  Lord, help me be more like Peter when I fail.  Help me to repent, accept your forgiveness and move forward. And leave it behind because I know you have.  Help me forgive others and myself the way you do.  I want to have the peace that comes along with that forgiveness.  How is it that even thought I know the anger and the hatefulness always ends up hurting the other person in a way I regret, but it always hurts me as well.  I hurt myself in so many ways, ways I could avoid if I would put my pride aside and do it your way.  Hel p me handle my relationships the way you desire that I do.  Help me be more loving and compassionate the way you are.  Lord, give me the grace to do it your way.

I will, I have, now go and use it and when you fail, forgive yourself and let it go because I already have.